He REALLY No Like This Joke

Bruno Weka (bruno_weka@yahoo.co.uk) is really pissed.

He shoulda thought about that before engaging me in email scambat.

At the conclusion of an especially amusing and rather email-heavy scambait (about 115 messages between the scammers and me, total, and an upcoming blog column), I did an impromptu "awards email" to all of those scammers I'd dealt with through the month of June, including hisself:

Welcome all, to another email from the producers of Scam or No Scam, where we lowlight bit players from the world of Nigerian (and other) 419 online scammers who tried -- albeit pithily -- to pull off their chosen ploy on U. R. Phulovit, aka, the 419-Busting Texas Tornado (I have to laugh).

June 2007 consolation prizes -- a mention righ' chere, and on two scambaiting websites -- go to:

George Nyerere
Stan Luthuli-thing
Johan Otto, Dupe Extrordinaire
Bannister Scott Nicholson/James/Chambers et al, International Scam Firm
Nelly Watch (you made to look foolish)
Ether Korroro
Dennis Brown, Esq and corpse-in-waiting (BTW, Dennis, is that re-written scam letter I did for you making you rich?)
Kelley Ko (I'm still waiting for you to "get me for this")

June's WINNER OF THE STUPIDEST MUGU ON THE INTERNET SCAM FRONT IS A REPEAT WINNER/WHINER FROM MAY:

BRUNO WEKA!

Congratulations to all of you players, and please play Scam or No Scam again! No limit to entries! Coming soon to an Internet cafe in Lagos...Johannesburg...and all sorts of fly-infested mud huts spread all over that neck of the woods!

A rain of grateful 'thank you's...didn't follow. But one rather testy, ungrateful response did result. FROM THE WINNER/WHINER of June's award, no less:

From: Bruno Weka
Subject: Bitch Ass

(warning: I'm going to type this just as it was sent to me; my apologies to the easily-offended)

coksucker,
you have ben making fool of youself all along you gay...looling for asshole to slot in you miserble 2inches dick. for your informaton, you americans are mugus guide by sheer greed. And we have been ripping you off.there is nothing you or anybody cando about it.go to hell for all I care!!!bitch.

LOL...guess he thinks he told me, eh?

Though the lad of dubious antecedence and outcome-based education still can't spell for squat, I do have to concede him a point in his diatribe. So I decided a dignified response that concedes a point in the argument is in order:

Bruno:

LOL...I got a kick out of your most recent effort to make yourself feel better. Venting is good. A great emotional release. I'm sure you feel much better now. You'd make a great outcome-base-(ill)educated, progressive voter here.

Now, I don't blame you for venting. I haven't given your email much rest since you rather ineptly and ill-advisedly tried to sucker me with your fourth-rate scam. I take it you're not enjoying how I'm using your name and email address with every one of your fellow scammers who cross my path here. Well, know that I have posted all of our exchanges so that anyone on the WORLD WIDE WEB can read about how incredibly stupid and ham-handed you are.

With that said, I can at the same time understand your lashing out, using the language of an uneducated, angry child. I agree that it really sucks when you're beat at a game you're rather lousy at in the first place. But if you hope to make anything useful of yourself, you might at least learn some basic spelling. You give your game away in a number of ways; fixing your spelling would at least not make you look so simplistically idiotic.

I do have to acknowledge a point you made, Bruno: you and some of your lowlife chums have duped some Americans with your scams, as well as some Europeans. In a society like ours, there are kind-hearted, easily-trusting souls who believe in the inherent goodness in all; they are like sheep, and can fall easy prey to scum-sucking outhouse pit trash like you. And there are some greedy folks hereabouts as well, who let greed override better common sense. I don't have much sympathy for the latter, to be sure.

But for the former, scambaiters like me step in and take up your time and waste your efforts. We also, slowly and gradually, help to educate the ill-informed about what you are and why you'll ultimately return to the outhouse sludge pit you crawled from.

But you have missed the essential truth in your childish diatribe, Bruno: I AM doing something about you. So are my many and growing number of cohorts. Some of them even more successfully than me. And what's most important in that essential truth, Bruno...there's nothing YOU CAN DO ABOUT US MAKING MUGUS OF YOU, and posting it for the WHOLE WORLD TO READ ABOUT AND LAUGH AT YOU OVER!

And, my Third World buffoon, you haven't duped this here American. And you never will. I've whipped and humiliated more than 400 of your kind over the years. I have made mugus of you and your kind in public and online. I find it incredibly easy to do. The smartest of you on your best day haven't conned me on my worst.

Thus, Bruno, your pinnacle is behind you, and your downward spiral is assured. So amuse me with your angry, emotional pin-pricks as you choose. As I told you now twice, you started this with me; I will finish it, on my terms and in my own good time.

And there's nothing YOU can do about it. Unless you wanna come meet me? Puh-leease!

And I drove that point home by rewriting his angry email to me, and using it with four new potential scammers. One of which wrote back to me, thanking me for "showing her this hateful person she doesn't know, but will warn her friends about".

Of course, when I do this, I always give them Bruno's email address; but I don't give him theirs.

Thus, Bruno's not done getting angry. Perhaps I'll get him angry enough to pop a vein or a syntax. And he proves it, as this response suggests:

Lissen asshole, STOP NOW AND LEAVE ME BE! YOU HAVE NO IDEE WHO YOU MESS WITH!!!!

Dang, I have "no idee" who I mess with? Well, let's get an idee:

Brunoid,
You're right...I only know you by the name you give, and your piss-poor spelling. But you did offer to come visit me when you come to Texas. So, come git some! I'll have coffee and a can of whup ass waiting, as well as your certificate of award! Introduce me to who I mess with! C'mawn, dude, lay a big baaaaaaaaaad introduction on my ass, Bruno! Bring it on!

A couple of days go by, and finally, my last peep from bad ol' Brunoid:

LEAVE ME ALONE DAM YOU!!!!

And I was finally forced to leave him alone...after sending him a couple weeks worth of Mwhahahahaha...I always come back! emails, his email address finally quit working.

I might also add that the Houston area code phone number Bruno gave me to contact his banker buddy on, John Word, was not left out of the equation: I gave it to the next couple dozen scammers that contacted me, instructing them that the best time to call me on it was between 1-5a US Central time. I even called the number once myself, using my Chinese engrish accent, and got a very grumpy-sounding person with a strange accent on the phone, before he hung up on me (it was about 3:20a his time, but I assure him that "it dayright where I make carr from"). About the same time that Bruno's email addy went phfffft, so did that telephone number suddenly go disconnected.

Bad Skunk....Bruno REALLY no like this joke.

*2009 note: Bruno never did "come git some".*