"Live LAP AID" -- I

*A classic five part scambait from 2007...I really didn't think I could pull this one off, and LMAO when I did*

I've really got to start thinking about getting a life one of these days. Really.

Okay, I'm over it.

Many of you readers out there know that I am not the soul crap magnet for Nigerian and other scam emails: many of my writing brethren are not immune to receiving this crap, either. One of them received the following in feedback on her website:

Tony remedelacreme_magazinenigeria@yahoo.com

Submit

Hello,

I am Male 25 yrs from Nigeria. I am undergrad of a University Studying Accounting.I am the Editor of CREME DE LA CREME MAGAZINE here in Nigeria. I Need WRITER/AUTHOR/POET and all others that could feature in the Mag, Also one who specialise on the entertainment Industries (Both in the Music, Movie and Fashion world).But strictly Entertainment.

Take care and God Bless.

Tony

The Editor

So to me, she forwards this along with a salute of sorts: "A scammer who tries to scam us poor starving writers has got to be worthy of your scamdelascam-busting talents".

Now I know why having a life is overrated; not having one leaves me ample time for stuff like this.

So I put my alternate email at hotmail.com to work, and once again became hisself, Masato Chan, editor of a San Francisco underground, counter-culture entertainment rag, Rage Against The Establishment Hamster Magazine, and cast out the bait to dangle before "Tony":

"Tony",

I find your proposition to give me the business interesting. I am the editor of what you might call an "entertainment underground" magazine for the greater San Francisco area. Perhaps I can provide what it is you look for. Can I inquire about terms, please?

Masato Chan

*Nibble Nibble*

Masato Chan,

Thanks for your mail.I am very happy to hear from you concerning the project.And it's also good to hear you are in the Entertainment scene.I think we can work together.We wish to showcase in the Music,Movie and Fashion world.Also we are working hard to make sure all is going on smoothly.Don't hestitiate to ask whatever you wish to know concerning the project.

Tony

The Editor

Since he wants to *tap dance* around the real thrust of his game, I'll join in a round:

Tony,

Okay, I'll start by asking how can I help you? What do you need from me?

*Nibble Nibble*

Masato Chan,

Thanks for your response.I really appreciate the fact that you've dedicated your time to read my letter,I am so much happy to see and read your letter (the Smothers Brothers would love to play this one out lyrically, but I digress).Creme De La Creme Magazine is very young and we are really working hard to make it a bigger and great one,Basically,We wish to showcase the Music,Movie and Fashion News and Event and all other things like showcasing Articles, etc.

We are in a Contemporary world where by those in Nigeria and in other part of Africa could get acquainted with the Magazine even those in United States of America.We shall welcome any piece of advice which will empower us and make a great Influence and development.

We will also like to know if we can interview you base on your entertainment in San Francisco in order for it to be feature in the coming Edition of the Magazine.Hope to read from you soon.Thanks in anticipation.

Tony

Editor

Not quite ready to spill his angle here yet...so let's play along:

Tony,

An interview for your next edition? I would be more than willing to sit for this. When you are ready, send me the questions you wish me to answer, and I will see to it. I promise you a first-rate interview for your next edition.

As becomes apparent, "Tony" wasn't really interested in interviewing me on the entertainment scene in San Francisco (good thing; I'd of made up a schlockload of crapola that the most strung-out hippy on Denver's 16th Street Mall could've almost seen through in a fleeting moment of lucidity); and his *tap dance* around what his real objective is comes to an end:

Masato Chan,

Top of the dayto you.Idon't mean an online interview but which ever way it is I will get intouch with you.

Please could you do some help for us, A seller in the USA wanted to sell us a used laptop for $300,Will it be alright???please can you arrange payment for this as we need it for the project.If you want people arround to know more about your Musical Entertainment you will need to send details so as for we to publish it.

Tony

Editor

Sooner or later, there's always a *TOING*. Just so's I can be straight on his angle:

Tony,

So you need me to arrange payment for a sale of a laptop to you from a US seller, for $300? A laptop for $300? You won't be getting much of a machine, lad. Please clarify so that I am straight here.

As for details, I will prepare you a synopsis of upcoming entertainment from the bosom and armpits of the "underground counter-culture" here in the Haight-Ashbury district.

Yep...I got the gist of it:

Masato,

Thanks for your response.Yes,This seller agree to make sale of the laptop to us for that amount.We don't have it.And we want to know if you can pay for it over there and then forward the laptop to us.This will contribute immensely to the development of the project.If you could do this for us we will appreciate it (oh, I have no doubt on that score).

Quickly get back to me with synopsis of the Upcoming entertainment and also all what you think can Motivate our reader so that we can feature it in the coming edition of the Magazine.

Lastly,I need your advice on how to move forward in the Industry.

Tony

The Editor

My first thought was "go get a real job or get a better scam you goat-smelling, egg-sucking, dysentery-brained buffoon"... But that wouldn't allow me to waste more of my/his unprecious time now, would it? But while I pondered a more measured response, Tony follows up with this:

Masato,

Good Day to you overthere.I really appreciate all your effort for making it a success.But kindly let me know when exactly it shall be done in order for the seller not to sell the laptop to another customer, how soon can you help us in this???And let me know when I expect to receive the compilation.

Tony

The Editor

It was then that I had one of those absolutely mondo *TOING*s that convince me I just blew a cranial vessel or two.

Next up: "Live LAP AID" Part II