A Small Medium At Large

With the approach of calendar 2012, my pet rock, Seymour, has emailed from his current digs in Loveland, Colorado, that he has had a "psychic vision". In fact, a whole series of them.

I suspect overexposure to one of my sister's horses' road apples, but I digress.

"Is NOT!!!"

At any rate, my pet rock has decided to weigh in with his premonitions for the upcoming year. *NOTE: the writer of this blog is not necessarily endorsing the following premonitions...unless they're funnier than any he could come up with*

Thus I bring to you, Seymour the Pet Rock's Psychic Predictions of 2012 (with me, for the most part, resisting occasional editorial comments):

- January 2 will follow January 1

- There will be a presidential election in November

- Someone will lose it

- Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, and Kim Karcrashian will be in the news in 2012

- Like 2011, not for anything worthwhile

- I will have more "phfffts!" for Skunk in '12 (on this, we agree)

- The Milwaukee Brewers will win the NBA championship at the Final Four in March (...uh...)

- Zombies will dedicate a statue to Harry Reid as Most Like Them

- MSNBC will cancel their newest show -- My Favorite Islamofascist -- after one episode, when he blows up the set during rehearsal and musses Rachel Madcow's hair (I wonder if they'll run an ad for that during the Super Bowl?)

- MSNBC will NOT run an ad for the aforementioned show during the Super Bowl; they will, however, have Betty White kickboxing Abe Vigoda for an Ensure commercial.

- Time Magazine will name "Occupy" campsites as the newest EPA Superfund sites

- Ted Nugent will NOT be named ambassador to North Korea

- Mel Gibson and Danny Glover will star in "Lethal Weapon XVIII", protecting Hugo "Playdoh" Chavez from Donald Trump's hair

- Rich progressive people who want to pay more taxes in '12 will simply sign over their estates to the IRS

- George Soros won't *Like* this on Facebook

- Baseball season will open in April with the Green Bay Packers defending their title against the Anaheim Mighty Ducks (....um...)

- Joe Biden will lose a few more hair plugs

- Michael Bay will make another bad movie, and the South Park Boys (Parker/Stone) will parody it

- Hawaii Five-0 will still suck for the way they treated Pearl Harbor veterans

- And so will CBS

- Barney Frank will publish a memoir, "How I Let Fannie Mae Do You While I Let Freddie Mac Do Me!"

- Sarah Palin will NOT read it

- Debbie Wasserman-Schultz won't get one iota smarter than a tree stump

- Guam won't tip over...yet

- A tsunami will not wipe out Pahrump, Nevada

- A manatee protest march through Miami will be averted by manatee indifference

- The Denver Broncos -- despite Tim Tebow -- will NOT win the Stanley Cup

- Howard Camping's fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh and eighth Rapture predictions will suffer further mathematic errors

- He won't get the ninth one right, either

- a scientist will prove conclusively that a spaceship made out of broccoli won't make a four year aspire to eating it

- December 21, 2012, will be followed by words from our sponsors

- And tax forms from the IRS

- I will travel to at least two out of state locations *hint to Skunk*

- Alien life researchers will think they have *finally* made contact

- It will turn out to be one of the Occupiers, looking for a bathroom

and, last but not least..

- I predict that all of Skunk's readers will always like MY posts best over his!

- *To Skunk* Nyah nyah