I Did NOT Write Anuddah Crispmoose Lettah

*A somewhat annual update to something I insist I'm not doing each year....one of 'those' "what the family dun" Christmas letters*

As y'all know, I don't do these letters. The one that my pet rock, Seymour, forced me to do in '06, and insisted on having updated and reposted in '07 and '08, was done strictly to appease a persnickety pet rock ("am NOT!!").

So let me be clear: I -- me, moi -- will NOT do 'another year of what the family dun' Christmas letters.

Now that we have that made perfectly clear, here 'tis:

-- Ma continues to thrive, garden and churchify in the bucolic burg of ******** Colorado. A more statuesque place you'll not find herebouts, if you know what I mean. If you don't, I won't explain it beyond drive thru and see all the statuesques there'bouts. She's learned computers, email, email forwards, and how to attach photos without the use of safety pins. She still isn't allowed to chase anyone's dogs around the neighborhood, and still follows the Broncos and NASCAR with the same zeal as heretofore or any other number. In short, life is good in Ma-dom.

-- Big Sis #1 continues to rocket sciencify in the easternesque burg of ****** Colorado, where Kansas can still be seed on a clear day, but only if one really wants to look, and no one seems to want to. Her two bionic cats -- Hudson and Edsel -- continue to defy conventional science and vet visits. She is still doing marathons, biathalons, triathalons, quadathalons, sextupathons, octothons, and is thinking of doing a noendinsightathon, wherein she bikes, runs, swims, shoots, spits, throws, hurdles, turkey calls, runs post patterns, crochets, tosses fruitcakes, and manages to get the cats to the vet, all in one handy competition. Life is good -- albeit active -- in 1st Sis-dom.

-- Big Sis #2 & hubster continues to horsify on the outskirts of ******** Colorado, where Kansas can't be seen from -- it's on the wrong side of the highway -- but a horse is a horse of course, of course, unless it's two cows or two dogs, not counting the burro across the fence and the skunks that wander through now and again. Her bucket-chasing 3 year old, Renny, has learned the 'Mr. Ed leer', and uses it to advantage with Lena, especially when she has a pet rock on her back and is having her picture taken. Mara just takes it all in and blames Hubster, who has to deal with an amorous cow, Bessie, and her prodigy Chloe, who don't know how to chase a bucket or to leer, but will chase Hubster. Sis rides, trains, competes on, feeds, waters, grooms and checks the horses for elk envy disease. Renny, Mara and Lena have her trained well. The dogs -- the soccer-playing Merlin, and the oft-*groaning at Merlin* Santa Fe -- take it all in and have no idea or opinion about it, long as they're fed and kept supplied with squeaky chew toys. Life is good in the 2nd Sis-dom.

-- Lil' Bro, Wife and Daughter in ****** Colorado, continue to do what a triad of such does: Lil' Bro -- the other rocket scientist in the famdamily -- continues to rocket sciencify, whilst being taunted via text, cell phone and in person, by his Raiders-supporting daughter, who is now in senior-dom in her 'series of firsts' high school, from which she'll get to be amongst the first senior class to graduate from, giving her another thing to taunt Lil' Bro about. Wife takes it all in and keeps it all working, and keeps at the same time tabs on the other daughter, married to a mountain man in Montana, where they've just put half the animals in the state in their freezer for the winter, to feed their two young 'uns, with a third now on the way. Meantime, Lil' Bro's latest feline Mafia continues to abuse their long-suffering beagle, Merlin, who has gotten used to losing his pet bed to Badda Bing and Badda Boom, or whatever the two cats' names are. Life is good -- for all but Merlin -- in Lil' Bro-dom.

-- And amongst other nieces and nephews from Colorado to Florida, things continue to be what they were, are, and will be, with jobs, growing and new young 'uns, mortgages and being glad they cook better than their crazy uncle, who cooks worse than he doesn't write these letters. Which translates into, by and large, things being good in Niece and Nephew-doms, respectively.

-- and now the part my pet rock has been waiting for: Seymour is continuing his travels and life experiences. After nation-hopping between '07 and '09, he's visited Texas, North Carolina, Virginia, and is currently riding horses and helping piece together puzzles in Loveland, CO. Where he's off to next is still in the air -- pun partially intended -- though he has invites to Arkansas, Louisiana and Califorlornia. Seymour continues to write poetry and music lyrics badly ("do NOT!!!"), and imagines himself to be the next Rock of Letters. Granted he's older than petrified dinosaur poop, and doesn't realize what that means ("do TOO!!! PHHFFFFT!"). At any rate, Seymour probably has more trips pending in 2012, but wants to be here in December of 2012, in case the end comes with the Mayan Calendar, so he can take permanent possession of the DVD remote. Life is pretty good in pet rock-dom, especially for one very spoiled pet rock ("am NOT!!!").

-- finally, since I don't do these letters, I have nothing to report on me. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Bumpkus. I'm boring. Other than experiencing economic changes that seem to parallel career changes in the year quickly closing. I went from gainfully employed, to unemployed, to sorta re-employed, sorta, to finally again re-employed, though having to do some serious catching up to reacquire the "gainfully" part, which won't be caught up anytime soon. Oh, and I'm working on a book about scambaiting, that might or might not be published in '12, before the Mayan Calendar shuts everything down...*snerx*.

The rest is what it's always been, and in my boring case, always will be: being hated by tornadoes on the Plains, online scammers and ex-girlfriends, while I just do what I do. Which ain't much, 'cuz I'm boring ;-)

And that concludes this Crispmoose letter that I didn't write for 2011. Merry Christmas*.

* for the politically correct, yes, I just said that. Offended? Phffft.