Short, Sweet and Huh?

Two emails. Two replies. One response twice. One response blank.

One wisely silent. The other, "Huh?"

The first email notified me that Western Union wanted me to know I had one million USD posted to them in my name. By, of all entities, the "Europeans Union".

Read it in their words:

WESTERN UNION MONEY TRANSFER keiko7@optusnet.com.au

your $1,000,000 (one million dollars)was deposited here in our Western Union office by Europeans Union(E.U) for immediate transfer to you.Contact us now for more detail.

So I did, but not as they might have expected:

Thank you. But since I am rich -- well beyond the amount cited here -- I wish you to keep it with my blessing. My hundreds of millions is enough for me.

This drew an unexpected reply:

u cant not be serious?

Bad grammar out; bad grammar in:

Yes, I can't be.

I don't think that their brains fried over the answer, like the android Norman in the Star Trek (TOS) episode, I, Mudd, but they didn't bother to follow up. So I hope they enjoy dividing up that 'million'.

Then there was the spam email I found amusing. Granted, I don't know if it was spam, a phishing email, or what it might have been. You decide:

From: Detox (PlatinumCreditCard@HouseLoanExpedition.com)

Subject: Help a friend in need!

The only thing in the body of the email was a link that was titled 'DETOX'.

And then at the bottom, this peculiar disclaimer:

We respect you privacy. If you wish to no longer receive these emails, unsubscribe by reply to the email. You can also write us at: Island Vacation Fantasy, 2121 N. California Blvd, Suite 290, Walnut Creek CA 94596.

Hmmm. Are credit card advertisers or island vacation fantasy folks pushing detox? Well, you know me: without investigating the link (a bad idea, even with anti-virus etc protection), I wrote back thus:

Thank you. I've been known to help a friend in need now and then. I'm just not sure what 'need' you're offering me to help with: a credit card, detox, or a fantasy island vacation? I have no interest in the credit card (see what I just did there?). I am not drunk, though the silly season makes for more opportunities, since seeing a red nosed reindeer and perverted elf games is easier to excuse on excess libations. And Fantasy Island shut down when Mr. Rourke and Tatu went deader than two cans of corned beef. So...WTF do I do with your email? Besides the obvious suggestion? Elucidation, please.

I received back a reply...with no reply.

I'm not sure if I flustered them with the images of perverted elves, or the confusion over Fantasy Island (probably in syndicated re-runs wherever they are)'s two patrons being dead as cans of corned beef. I did ask:

You have replied without replying. Is the significance of your blank reply that you drew a blank, and are not able to grasp the images of dead cans of corned beef? I stand ready with counter elucidation, if this is the case. Elucidation is the fiber of a bowel movement. Write back to help yours.

So far, they haven't apparently grasped the value of fiber. No reply. Further elucidation, if they do ;-)