The 'Out of Sync' Movie Critic

LOL....not really.

I just don't expect much from Hollyweird, especially when they use history to go off on a CGI fiction romp.

About the only TV I watch, for the most part, is football. But one football-less day, I noted that the movie Gladiator would be on AMC.

Heard about it; hadn't seed it. What the hell.

Granted, I know a thing or two about the era: Marcus Aurelius was a notable Roman emperor from antiquity. He took over from Antoninus Pius, at the latter's death in 161AD. From 161AD to 169AD, Aurelius had as his 'imperial colleague', Lucius Verus; after Verus died in 169AD, no other 'imperial colleague' is mentioned until the appointment to that title of Commodus, son of Marcus Aurelius. "Moral man" or not, Commodus ascends to emperor at the death of Marcus Aurelius in 180AD.

Whether or not Marcus Aurelius had a general named 'Maximus', isn't revealed in the text that I examined. But no matter. Hollyweird rewrote history to fulfill what the screen playster(s) perceived was a 'need'.

Eh.

I didn't find any evidence of Marcus Aurelius having a daughter who would have made a great 'Caesar' if she'd been born a man, let alone at all. Not that I minded the character being created for the movie; she was hawt.

I didn't find any evidence to support that Marcus Aurelius, as emperor, had spent the last 25 years of his life "expanding the empire". Granted, he did wage war with Germanic and other tribes, as well as had to put down another imperial colleague's efforts to supplant Aurelius. Still, shaky though my math be I reckon, I don't see how 161AD to 180AD, makes for 25 years, even accounting for Roman inflation.

Guess I'll never be a Hollyweird writer. Weird, perhaps..but I digress.

I didn't find any evidence to suggest that Marcus Aurelius was murdered by his "not moral" son Commodus; but Hollyweird needed to underline and highlight Commodus' immorality, so they had him murder his father, and lust after his hawt sister.

Commodus would have fit right into current-day Hollyweird.

I didn't find any evidence to support the end of Commodus, coming at the hands of a gladiator in the arena, let alone a gladiator that Commodus had ordered killed in the wake of his killing his father, and taking over power; in fact, Commodus did ascend to the role of emperor upon the death of Marcus Aurelius in 180AD. Roman historians deemed Commodus as "ineffective". And apparently, so did the commander of Commodus' Praetorian Guard. For it was at the hands of the Praetorian Guard -- protectors of the ruling emperor -- that sent Commodus to 'seek eternal employment options elsewhere', in 192AD.

The timeline and methodology, I guess, wasn't convenient for the script writers.

Is Russell Crowe convincing as a Roman General? Sure...moreso than Pee-wee Herman could have been. Is Russell Crowe convincing as a gladiator? Sure...moreso than Bill Mahar could have been. Does Russell Crowe's made-up character, speak one word of Latin? Not in the movie he don't.

Do any of the gladiators -- from far flung countries, tribes and unabsorbed cultures of the Roman Empire -- speak a word of ANY language other than English? Nawp. No Latin, Gaelic, German, Cimbri, Teutone, Numidian, Parthian be spoken in this movie...and not a one of them walked like an Egyptian, either.

And they're all educated fellers, too, what can enunciate their dialogue with Shakespearian overtures. Of course, to the real gladiators, 'shakespeare' was less theatrical, and more for intimidation.

But eh...it's Hollyweird's history.

Still...the movie was entertaining, and in the end, the hero didn't get the girl. But you were led to believe he scored in the afterlife.

Next time, perhaps this 'out of sync' movie critic will delve into my namesake's movie, Pearl Harbor. I've always wanted to point out how badly someone with my name sucked at history...