(A Brief) Return of The Three Stooges?

Not really.

I don't count the upcoming movie with the three TTS pretenders. Nothing matches the original Moe, Larry & Curly. But a trio from Burkina Faso, or points nearby tried, albeit it unknowingly.

Like faux-reality shows, the 419ers keep coming back with a terribly repetitive lack of substance and originality. But sometimes, a couple of scammers time their correspondence to allow for a classic double-cross.

Of each other.

First, a precis: in April, Dr. Aph Lack (one of yours truly's many online scambaiting guises) received another batch of 'unique, one of a kind' emails from two different gentlemen of alleged Burkina Fasese origin and odious intent. The first, Frank Obi, representing the BOA (Bank of Africa), Burkina Faso; the second, Fred Ottawa, a Nigerian refugee now ensconced in Burkina Faso. Both had the usual poignant, heart-rending, totally ca-ca wallet-scamming stories to tell and sell.

And both had offers the good Doctor couldn't refuse. To screw with.

Initially, Dr. Lack did try to refuse: he responded to 'Fred', referring him to Dr. Lack's "financial advisor" for authorization to proceed. Dr. Lack's "financial advisor" in this case was yet another scammer -- Alhaji Ahmed Achwal -- who'd not responded to a less-than-courteous reply from Dr. Lack. Lack gave 'Fred' Achwal's email address, and reckoned that 'Fred' would meet a dead-end with Achwal, with that being that. And Lack was right: Fred didn't follow up with Lack on this.

But Fred wasn't done being useful.

Meantime, Lack's response to Frank Obi was simple: Frank's email title to Lack was "May God Be With You", to which Lack responded He usually is. Anything else?

To my complete lack of amazement (see what I just did there?), Obi responded back with enthusiasm, pushing a proposal that involved (a) a crashed Alaska Airlines plane that carried (b) an American with no next of kin who had (c) deposited a large sum of US dollars in Obi's bank that (d) Obi needed Dr. Lack's help to 'liberate' ($17 Million USD). Obi went on to assure the good Doctor that "this business is legal and genuine, and that the transaction is 100% risk free and fair". And to prove his "genuine sincerity", Obi included a photo of the deposited money in a BOA BF bank vault (the other photo, above).

A picture speaks a few million dollar signs, right?

Obi concluded his email by providing an email address for Lack to contact "a probate barrister" Obi had confidentially arranged for, to handle authenticating Lack as the dead American's next of kin; and concluded by warning Lack that "this transaction must be kept confidential, including with the probate barrister, who must not know of my (Obi) involvement".

*TOING*...all of my online 'characters' just love a good "confidentiality ploy", in the words of Inspector...Chief Inspector Clouseau.

So I sent an email to the probate barrister -- Bankole Oleu Usman -- and a couple days later, Usman responded, instructing Lack to send "the appropiate personnel and financal informatons" to Usman, as well as to "pleased to note that my servces will cost $5,000 USD".

ROFLMAO.

Dr. Lack -- ever eager to help others give him the business -- replied to the good bannister that Lack didn't handle financial matters hisself; that he used his trusted financial advisor for such things. And thus, Lack provided Usman with the email address for Dr. Lack's financial advisor: the aforementioned Fred Ottawa.

Imagine my and Dr. Lack's amusement when, a few days later, he received the following email from Bannister Usman:

i communicat with your financal adviser today and he has given me the informatons i need to enable me proced. By Monday i beleve i will be able to final the clam with probate register.

While pondering what a probate register does with a clam, and deciding the answer is of the TMI variety, I further read that Usman had very kindly broken down the $5,000 USD that I owed for his services; and when added back together, it totalled $6,600 USD.

Obviously, spelling and grammar aren't Usman's only inattributes.

Meantime, I was most pleased with Fred Ottawa's willingness to "be the ball" in this game. I would have loved to have had a copy of the email(s) between him and Usman, but that wasn't gonna happen, as will shortly be demonstrated.

At any rate, I emailed Usman back and advised him to hasten to get the itemized bill for services to my financial advisor, so as to make for expedience in paying the bill so we can get the transaction moving like a bowel full of Exlax.

And there things sat for a few days. Then, from Frank Obi, I get this:

Dear Lack: why i not heared from you all this while. you refused tell me how far you gone with protate registery have you finaled with him? have you receve funds? i need cleer answer to this detale. PLS you must take tansacton serous and alway give me update.

At the same time, I get another email...from Fred Ottawa. He is filled with "curous":

Lack who is Bankole Usman? he say i am yor finantal advice? what is on with this? Plese to settle my curous.

I really am a baaaad Skunk. Eh...we all gotta be somethin'.

First, I send a bit of bad news to Obi: you haven't heard from me because...well...I am embarrassed and thoroughly dentalpated. I just learned that my financial advisor and your prostate bannister have eloped, absconding with the $17 Million USD to Liechtenstein, where they are opening up a bed and sex change clinic for crustaceans. Personally, I am blaming YOU for this, because YOU didn't check on the bona fides of your prostate bannister, who turned out to be a cross-dressing shyster with crabs, and who turned my until-now dependable financial advisor. But perhaps all isn't lost? Do you have any other funds we can abscond with?

Next, a quickie to Fred: Fred, there has been some kind of confusion here. However, your communications with Mr. Usman are proving most useful. If you will continue to act in on my behalf, I will make it worth your while. Cross my heart and hope to fill my drawers.

Then I get this from the cross-dressing crabmeister, Bannister Usman: I do not undertood all that happyning about you and your financal advise. You say he one to take care of money and you instruct him to coperate. but i not to hear from him? why? Look if you people not serous for my assitance just inform me quick and find a different attorny. my time valable.

To the good bannister I send this: Bannister, I have some rather curious communications from the originator of this business; I can't tell you his name because he pledged me to confidentiality, but he thinks you have taken the money and run off to open a bed and sex change clinic for crustaceans in Liechtenstein, with my financial advisor! How positively ludicrous is that? Here you are, telling me my financial advisor isn't communicating with you, and the originator of this business thinks you've run off with Fred in a homoerotic tryst! I'll have to tell Frank Obi that he's totally off base. Oops...I didn't name that last person. Forget that last name. You don't see the person behind the curtain!

A day goes by, and I am bereft of activity. Perhaps it's over?

'Til the next day, when Fred sends me this: what kind of game you hear? i not lik be insult by this usman! you writ me not!

I think the Stooges are having a cyber pie fight behind my PC.

The next email I get tends to confirm it, from Obi: Lack, you deceve me! you not keep trust and pobate attorny know i am in this! you ruin all for me!

Finally, Bannister Usman can't resist a last shot, either: you say them i gay? i threw you!

Yawp. Game over.

But somewhere in Pie-Fight Heaven, I reckon Moe, Larry and Curly are nyuk-nyuk-nyuking a tad. I know I am.