You're A Bad One, Mr. Skunk

Yawp. Shore am. Taking advantage of a poor, ill-educated scammer like this. You'd think that in the light of a New Year, I'd of made a resolution or two regarding being more kind and compassionate to my fellow humans of this fragile orb.

I sorta did. I just didn't include dumber-than-dumb-animal scammers. Especially when they're so dumb, they don't realize they had a pail of manure throwd on 'em, and eagerly proceed with their scam on the manure thrower.

Witness this letter I got just before the advent of the New Year, from revealingly-named Shidi Musa, with the header of FILL THIS FORM BELLOW ...you can call me on this nomber...(followed by a foreign phone nomber):

Dear good friend, I am banker by profession in BURKINA-FASO, WEST AFRICA and currently holding the post foreign remittance director in our bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($25,2 Million Dollars) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family. Please if you are intrested contact me for more explaination on how we will commence on the transaction. and you fill this form and send to me please

1) Your Full Name....................

2) Your Age...............................

3) Marital Status......................

4) Your Cell Phone Number.................

5) Your Fax Number.................

6) Your Country........................

7) Your Occupation..................

8) Sex........................................

Best Regerd......................MR SHIDI MUSA

After sharing this spelling gem with a couple of my fellow bloggers, I -- in the guise of Myra Manes -- crafted a "give the gift of proofreading and factuality in advertising" reply to Shidi, reckoning that once he read it, that'd be that:

Shidi, Shidi, Shidi...*sigh*...I realize you come from a backwards nation on a backwards continent. There's nothing wrong widdat. In degrees of perception, and advanced alien culture probably looks at us h'yar in the USofA as a backwards nation on a backwards continent, particularly if they're dyslexic, but I digress.

BUT...your letter is pathetic. A first grader in Iowa could do better. A high school senior in Chicago, probably not. But either way, YOU can do better. And I'm here to help you. I have -- as a gift to you in the New Year -- undertaken to re-write your letter, correcting the spelling, the presentation, and the factuality therein. I can guarantee you that if you use my corrected format in your future endeavors, it'll look better, while working as effectively as The Clapper would have during the Roman Empire. Thus:

Dear good Friend,

I am a goat-poking, egg-sucking, lower-than-snake-spit scammer by profession in BURKINA-FATSO, WEST AFRICA, but playing as a banker and currently faking the title of post foreign remittance director in our bank. I have the opportunity of trying to convince you that I have access to and the ability of transferring the leftover funds ($25.2 Million Dollars) of one of my bank clients who I want you to believe died along with his entire family, in circumstances so heartrending, you'll tearfully agree to help me help myself to your wallet.

Actually, the real person and his family are living in a luxury condo on the island of Malta, paid for by HAMAS, but I digress.

Please, if you are interested in allowing me to give you the business in this tawdry fiscal chicanery, contact me for more explanation on how we will commence my f***ing you over on this fake transaction, meant to enrich me at your expense.

Fill out this form with complete and accurate information, so I can steal your ID and sell it for additional cash in my pocket, to other characters of the same dubious antecedence and anal-sex-with-stuffed-animals proclivities that I have and enjoy. Fill it out completely and send it back to me, so I can wow my fellows in this fly-infested Internet cafe, and we can chalk you up as another "mugu bites the dust":

1) Your Full Name

2) Your DOB and Age

3) Your Full Address

4) Your Social Security Number

3) Marital Status

4) Your Cell Phone Number

5) Your Fax Number

6) Your Country

7) Your Occupation

8) Sex

8a) How Often

8b) With Which Gender/Species

MY BEST REGARDS TO YOU AS I F*** YOU OVER SIX WAYS FROM SUNDAY .... MR. SHIDI MUSA, SCAMMER UNEXTRORDINAIRE, BURKINA-FATSO, WEST AFRICA AND SLAVE HAMSTER EXPORTER/SODOMIZER

After sending this off, one of the aforementioned blogging chums of mine asked me if I wanted to get into a pool as to whether Shidi Amusa would reply? My response was, "my pool choice is no reply".

Next up: Part II -- The Dead Pool