Tuesday, January 27, 2009

You're A Bad One, Mr. Skunk


Yawp. Shore am. Taking advantage of a poor, ill-educated scammer like this. You'd think that in the light of a New Year, I'd of made a resolution or two regarding being more kind and compassionate to my fellow humans of this fragile orb.
I sorta did. I just didn't include dumber-than-dumb-animal scammers. Especially when they're so dumb, they don't realize they had a pail of manure throwd on 'em, and eagerly proceed with their scam on the manure thrower.
Witness this letter I got just before the advent of the New Year, from revealingly-named Shidi Musa, with the header of FILL THIS FORM BELLOW ...you can call me on this nomber...(followed by a foreign phone nomber):
Dear good friend, I am banker by profession in BURKINA-FASO, WEST AFRICA and currently holding the post foreign remittance director in our bank. I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($25,2 Million Dollars) of one of my bank clients who died along with his entire family. Please if you are intrested contact me for more explaination on how we will commence on the transaction. and you fill this form and send to me please

1) Your Full Name....................
2) Your Age...............................
3) Marital Status......................
4) Your Cell Phone Number.................
5) Your Fax Number.................
6) Your Country........................
7) Your Occupation..................
8) Sex........................................

Best Regerd......................MR SHIDI MUSA
After sharing this spelling gem with a couple of my fellow bloggers, I -- in the guise of Myra Manes -- crafted a "give the gift of proofreading and factuality in advertising" reply to Shidi, reckoning that once he read it, that'd be that:
Shidi, Shidi, Shidi...*sigh*...I realize you come from a backwards nation on a backwards continent. There's nothing wrong widdat. In degrees of perception, and advanced alien culture probably looks at us h'yar in the USofA as a backwards nation on a backwards continent, particularly if they're dyslexic, but I digress.
BUT...your letter is pathetic. A first grader in Iowa could do better. A high school senior in Chicago, probably not. But either way, YOU can do better. And I'm here to help you. I have -- as a gift to you in the New Year -- undertaken to re-write your letter, correcting the spelling, the presentation, and the factuality therein. I can guarantee you that if you use my corrected format in your future endeavors, it'll look better, while working as effectively as The Clapper would have during the Roman Empire. Thus:
Dear good Friend,
I am a goat-poking, egg-sucking, lower-than-snake-spit scammer by profession in BURKINA-FATSO, WEST AFRICA, but playing as a banker and currently faking the title of post foreign remittance director in our bank. I have the opportunity of trying to convince you that I have access to and the ability of transferring the leftover funds ($25.2 Million Dollars) of one of my bank clients who I want you to believe died along with his entire family, in circumstances so heartrending, you'll tearfully agree to help me help myself to your wallet.
Actually, the real person and his family are living in a luxury condo on the island of Malta, paid for by HAMAS, but I digress.
Please, if you are interested in allowing me to give you the business in this tawdry fiscal chicanery, contact me for more explanation on how we will commence my f***ing you over on this fake transaction, meant to enrich me at your expense.
Fill out this form with complete and accurate information, so I can steal your ID and sell it for additional cash in my pocket, to other characters of the same dubious antecedence and anal-sex-with-stuffed-animals proclivities that I have and enjoy. Fill it out completely and send it back to me, so I can wow my fellows in this fly-infested Internet cafe, and we can chalk you up as another "mugu bites the dust":
1) Your Full Name
2) Your DOB and Age
3) Your Full Address
4) Your Social Security Number
3) Marital Status
4) Your Cell Phone Number
5) Your Fax Number
6) Your Country
7) Your Occupation
8) Sex
8a) How Often
8b) With Which Gender/Species
MY BEST REGARDS TO YOU AS I F*** YOU OVER SIX WAYS FROM SUNDAY .... MR. SHIDI MUSA, SCAMMER UNEXTRORDINAIRE, BURKINA-FATSO, WEST AFRICA AND SLAVE HAMSTER EXPORTER/SODOMIZER
After sending this off, one of the aforementioned blogging chums of mine asked me if I wanted to get into a pool as to whether Shidi Amusa would reply? My response was, "my pool choice is no reply".
Next up: Part II -- The Dead Pool

7 Comments:

Blogger deni said...

I got that same exact letter, are people as really as dumb as all that?

You are such a bad Skunk, but I love it!

27 January, 2009 04:38  
Blogger Jack K. said...

HUZZAH!!!

Glad to see you have not lost your scam-baiting skills during all of your holiday revelry.

As for my guess in the response pool, based on previous interactions, I think they will send one more lamenting the fact that you did not take them seriously. Or not.

I think I have been able to detect such letters in my spam files and delete them without opening. On rare occasion I do forward them to an anti-phishing group.

btw, have you ever cast your vote for cute critters?

27 January, 2009 06:24  
Blogger Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I got this one too. I've already filled it out and am awaiting the funds. Bwahahahahaha. Anyone that would fall for this deserves what they get.

Have a terrific day. :)

27 January, 2009 09:54  
Blogger Debbie said...

I don't even bother to read my spam/scam emails. Maybe I better start, they seem really entertaining.

I like reading your responses bests though.

Debbie Hamilton
Right Truth</a

27 January, 2009 20:16  
Blogger jenniferw said...

A first grader in Iowa could do better. A high school senior in Chicago, probably not.

... tawdry fiscal chicanery ...

SLAVE HAMSTER EXPORTER/SODOMIZER


**gurgle**

**snort**

**expire**

28 January, 2009 08:12  
Blogger Da Pixie said...

As always, beautifully done. How do you attract to many email scans?

28 January, 2009 17:09  
Blogger Serena said...

Stupid shidi spammer. I'll look forward to the Dead Pool.:)

28 January, 2009 19:58  

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