Chinese Astrology and 2009: Part IV (of IV)

Your patience with the three previous columns

is now to be rewarded, as I present the Chinese astrological outlook for 2009. I also take this moment to acknowledge and thank Neil Somerville for helping me -- albeit, unknowingly on his part -- with invaluable research required to provide you with the following. Not that I couldn't have done it without consulting his invaluable source Your Chinese Horoscope 2009; like some current-day journalists and the editor at the NYT, I could simply have made up almost anything.

At least this way, it's ethical and somewhat, if marginally, plausible.

Please bear in mind that regardless of what you read and interpret herein, the journey down any particular life path is not necessarily inevitable, and that which is written herein, is not cast in stone. If it were, my computer monitor and what's left of my desk would be resting on my feet. An important distinction to keep in mind as you ponder the possibilities, opportunities and stouter furniture in the New Year:

OX: you can look forward to a pretty good year, no bull. Career prospects favor grazing ahead with confidence, but not bullishly so. As for love, it's a year to work on listening and communications, steaking decisions based on reason and not emotion. Well-basted decisions are best to marinate a good outcome.

TIGER: a fair, if challenging year, awaits the Tiger. Take care not to gloat when you gain the upper paw. Modesty and helping others helps yourself to extra portions of good fortune. In careers, it looks to be an average year, but can be better as long as you don't fail to pounce on opportunities that come within your reach. In love, a tumultuous year is foreseen; be particularly wary of "those questions" changing their stripes. They don't.

RABBIT: despite the popularity of Jack the Rabbit on the Frontier Airlines commercials, it looks to be a year of bad karma for the Rabbit. Exercising patience and hopping with the flow will minimize the negative, particularly in career matters. Avoid wolves in any clothing. As for love, arguments and tension may multiply like....Rabbits. Communication is key; use those ears as they were intended, and listen.

DRAGON: a lucky year lies ahead, one where industrious Dragons can work on dreams and ambitions on a large scale, particularly on the career front. In love, be sure to keep business and pleasure separate, or things might get too hot for you.

SNAKE: a good year to wind up in positive territory, assuming the Snake remains flexible to change. Career matters could be bumpy at times, but with patience and confidence, you'll shed any problems with relative ease. With love, it may prove a disappointing year, but if you remember that, "if it looks like a garden hose, it probably is", you'll avoid being laughed at on a blind date.

HORSE: a splendid year with mounting excitement lies ahead. Career matters will be off at a gallop, but avoid short cuts, or good fortune may not last furlong *ducking boos and throwd horse shoes* In regards to love, the marriage harness beckons willing and single Horses.

GOAT: it can be a good year for Goats, long as they don't get too headstrong about change. Avoid butting into unfamiliar situations, using the same approach, and milk your patience for better times and opportunities. In love, don't try to ram your preferences home.

MONKEY: a fair year ahead for the Monkey. A year wherein career conflicts can prove an 800 lb gorilla, but with a little less impetuousness, you can avoid them driving you bananas. In love, listening and learning are the keys to grooming a vital relationchimp. Fiscally, a year of practicality is the ticket over that of a free-swinger.

ROOSTER: it's your year to rule the roost. In career matters, you're well perched for opportunity; avoid getting too cocksure of yourself, though. In love, being who you are will give you plenty of reasons to crow about driving the chicks crazy. But don't lose your head; you can still wind up in the soup.

DOG: it will be an uneven year for the Dog, as some unburied bones of contention await resolution. In career matters, dig in for a rough ride, but don't flea when life becomes an itch. A good year to take a moment to ponder where you're about to put that cold nose, and avoid fetching home something untoward.

PIG: a year of status quo for the Pig. Careers -- especially those involving travel -- will give you ample chances to bring home the bacon, long as you don't get too sloppy in execution. In love, things won't be a boar, but avoid running your chops too much when listening is all that's needed.

RAT: it can be a lucky year for Rats, long as one keeps an eye open for traps. In career, keep on building that ne(s)twork of social contacts for business and pleasure. In love, cut back on running with the pack a bit, slick back those whiskers and indulge in some moonlight and hooha, whatever that is.

And there you have it (?), the definitive outlook for 2009. So go forth and remember: each and every one of us has the power to change the course that our particular horoscope suggests. In the end, your own efforts, dedication, ambition, perspicacity and perseverance will ultimately determine how many of those words you need to look up.

To one and almost all, Happy New Year! And if you believe you're one of those few born under the sign of Gorkus, well...it still sucks to be you.