Wednesday, November 9, 2005

The 419 Files: Finale For A Shithole In Progress


In to each life, a pot at the end of the rainbow must fall; most prefer it not to be like the one pictured.

But that's exactly what Mr. Joseph Shithole, 419 unextrordinaire, rated.

And received.

When I last left you, Mr. Shithole was excitedly awaiting the 'big fool', Dr. U. R. Phulovit, to send (via Western Union, one assumes) $1250 US dollars to his contact, one Christorpher Okoye. This would -- according to Shithole -- transfer title of documents that would give Phulovit access to a safety deposit box containing $ 10.5 Million US.

Righhhhhht.

Of course, it was his plan to abscond with the $1250; if he could sucker Dr. Phulovit to actually travel to South Africa -- and some poor yutzes actually fall for this ploy -- he would have extorted additional monies out of Phulovit, in exchange for freedom.

Or in this case, freedumb.

Wahl...the game is won when the 'intended fool' gets sucked in. But it's so much more fun when the bigger fool is the original scamster ;-)

The last communique received from Shithole: Dear Dr. Phulovit: plese hurry with the payment. i need to do things to ready this. Plese send tomorrow (Friday).

My response on Friday: Dear Mr. Shithole: a change in plan. I have decided that, since I have communicated with you, and only with you, I am not going to send this money to your designee. I am going to send it directly to you. I have your address from prior communications. So, check your email on Monday, November 7, for what you need to collect the funds (which will be arriving as Euros, not US dollars) and the pot at the end of the rainbow you so crave. I'm even including a bonus with the Euros ($1850 Euros), because you've been such a splendid sort at giving me the business.

All your plans and schemes are an email away from achieving the deserved results, my good Shithole. On this you can count.

Dr. Phulovit

At the top, left, is the Euro he received (courtesy of Gus Schultz, maniacal alter ego of one Larry Graves, Canadian humorist/musician).

Jump ahead to Monday, November 7: Dr. Phulovit's consummation of Mr. Shithole's effort to give Phulovit the business having been received, the reply from Shithole, as one can imagine, is a mix of mystified, deflated, and a tad...upset:

PHULOVIT: U MAKE JEST WITH ME. F*** YOU.

(If I didn't know any better, I'd say Shithole is upset with me; just so there's no misunderstanding, I sent him the 'rest of the story', so I could guarantee it)

Shithole: I would take from your comments that you're upset. You should be. You set out to find yourself a mugu. You thought you had. It sucks to be you, when you find out that you're the bigger mugu. Makes you want to go out and screw a water buffalo, doesn't it? Well, I understand. PETA won't, but I do.

BTW, Shithole: you are one of the biggest dumbassed mugus I've ever led on. You let me call you Shithole throughout this scam; even the dumbest scammer I've encountered up to you recognized basic insultive slang. But not you. You are the Mugu of the Year, Shithole. Wear it proudly.

Some day, ask a person with real intelligence and a grasp of English to tell you what my name means: U. R. Phulovit.

Thanks for letting me make you look stupid to the Internet World. You may return your head up your ass now.

No reply to that.

Sooprise, sooprise ;-)

1 Comments:

Blogger FTS said...

*ding*

Game over.

Now what are you going to do for amusement?

I just found out I may be the last distant relative of a recently deceased Nigerian ruler...

09 November, 2005 15:40  

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