Anatomy Of A 419 -- In The Beginning...

In the Beginning, there comes the letter. No, not the one pictured at the right (this is from another scamster whose companions the Rev. U. R. Phulovit left waiting futilely in a train station in Frankfurt, Germany, in early '05, for a meeting with the good Reverend to collect $14,500 Euros in cash...LOL...they were so not understanding about it all...).

But this hyar is an example of the kind of scam emails I get in my Yahoo email account, set up specifically for these compost-brained bungholes; all it takes is (a) open an account under an assumed name, and (b) visit a few online guestbooks 'harvested' by 419ers. Leave your bogus name and email address in a few of the aforementioned, and within a week, like flies to dung, hyar they come ;-)

This one identifies hisself as Prof. Michael Azie, Auditor General of the 'Federation' (of Nigeria), and the title of the email was "Can You Be Trusted?".

To differentiate betwixt my comments and those from the original text, original text will be in italics.

(The supposed-to-look-official header)

FEDERAL MINISTRY OF FINANCE
OFFICE OF THE AUDITOR/PAYMASTER GENERAL
NATIONAL SECRETARIAT COMPLEX -- LAGOS
CONFIDENTIAL FAX: 234-1-7595284 (well, at least it was...*snort*)
CONFIDENTIAL TEL: 234-1-7769814
MOBILE#: 234-805-85-50587
EMAIL ADDRESS: MICHAEL_AZI50@YAHOO.COM
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From the Desk of: Prof. Michael Azie
Auditor/Paymaster General of the Federation
(FMF)
DO NOT READ IF NOT MEANT FOR YOU (oh whoops...)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ATTN: CATEGORY "A" CLIENT TO THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF NIGERIA

(now we get to the rat killing, if you can sort out the initial babble; all typos are as they are in the original email)

After waiting to hear from you or your Partners who introduced you into this transaction for a long time now, I decided to make this direct approach today being the 21st of October 2005 so as to let you know that I do not have anything in mind against you. I do not know if you have asked yourself why ever since you were introduced into this transaction, you have been going round in circles without getting to the bottom or end of this and also why each time the release of these funds is approved, all of a sudden, the payment will be stopped or one problem or the other will come up. (I ask myself about this daily; really, honest...*wink*)

If you have not asked this question or you do not know, this is an opportunity for me to tell you. (I just love inexplicable elucidation, don't you?)

Some time ago the people that introduced you to the project approached me and requested me to assist them conclude a money transfer deal they had with you, they requested me to assit them by putting in your name as the Original Beneficiary of the funds in question in order to make you appear as the rightful beneficiary of this funds. I agreed on conditions that they will pay me $100,000 US as soon as your name appears as the beneficiary. I did as agreed and demanded to be paid but your friends started telling me stories (must all be DNC operatives, eh?). They even told me that you promise to send money to me. Do you know that up till now, I have not received a single cent from them and have not set my eyes on any of them?

(Neither have I, bucko, but I digress).

Based on their attitude, as the Auditor General of the Federation, I decided to stop the release of the funds through a strong worded petition to the Office of the President of Nigeria himself because I cannot be denied of my right in my own office considering the risk as it might affect my job. Secondly, I know personally that you are not the rightful beneficiary of the funds in question, althought I am the only person privileged to know this information and it is a fact. Why I am making this clear to you is that I can see that you are still making effort (I am?) spending money in order to conclude this project (I am?).

Now I am ready to forget the past, I do not need the $100,000 any longer from you (because you've ripped off someone else?) or your so called partners but a share of 30% of the total sum (which I have no idea what that is, since I have no idea who he thinks he's talking to, since my mythical name never once was on the text of this hokum). I need your assurance that those your colleagues or any Goernment Official will be totally kept out of this transaction, I know that none of them is aware of this development after trying their best to conclude it without my consent (crooks cheating crooks...apparently this is no honor among thieves..).

Finally, now re-assure me that you will be willing to offer me the 30% of the fund that you will assit establish a foreign account in your country where my share will be lodged. You can contact me immediately on Direct Phone 234-1-7769814 ext 7172 or Mobile 234-805-85-50587 to enable me to furnish you with detailed information on what you are to do from now on. But if the reverse is the case, do not bother yourself to reach me.

Hooha. Now, bearing in mind that I haven't the foggiest notion of what this ethically-challenged, congenital moron is talking about -- his email was not addressed directly to me as the good Dr., or to anyone in particular -- I shall, as the good Dr. Phulovit, respond, as if I do. Sorta:

From: Dr. U. R. Phulovit, ICOTI

To: Michael Uzi

Date: October 26, 2005

Subj: Can I Be Trusted?

Dear Mr. Uzi: Trusted with what? I have a sterling personal reputation; I have an unassailable professional reputation. Trust and I are synonymous; open up the dictionary under 'trust' and it's my picture you'll find.

If you wish to give me the business, you simply put forth or fifth the essentials of your business, and I will carefully peruse every last syntax error of it. Then, if I am satisified, we will proceed.

But to begin with a question as to my personal integrity...sir, not only do you undercut your effort, but how would you like your lower lip pulled over the top of your head, and be induced to swallow? Hmmm?

If you wish to give me the business, put forth your best punitive efforts; insult me, and you will swallow yourself.

I have the honor to be,

Dr. U. R. Phulovit, pHd, ICOTI and aka Dr. Dysentery/WWE Wrestling Frauderation

You wouldn't think that a reply like that would be the kind of thing to perpetuate a 419 scam.

You'd be wrong.

Next up: Anatomy of a 419 -- Preliminary Skirmishing