Bidumb Competes With A Rodent for Prognostications

Well that's precious.

Bidumb the First emerged from his royal burrow and recently decreed that without a back-breaking tax hike, the Earth as we know it "will end in 9 years".

Apparently 2030 has already lined up someone to hold IT'S beer.

Bidumb of course bases his calculations on the scientific expertise of the ex-bartender alexa orbital cortex, PMS screechings from The View, the CNN blimp, a flash poll of dead voters in Shotcago, and the inner need he feels to one-up the ground hog after February 2.

Bidumb forgets much, but can't forget that the ground hog drew a bigger crowd that day than he did his entire crimepaign.

Bidumb pledges that with enough tax revenue "squeezed from the fat of the Saxon's hides*", he can have Nassau or, you know, that space thing, build a giant catcher's mitt to intercept comet Shoo-fly-shoo/Levi Strauss Nein, after it finishes plowing through Jupiter and continuing on to wipe out Pahrump, NV in 2030.

His compliant-depressed secretary, Jen 'Blank Stare' Psaki, performed one brilliantly after reading the press release.

When one staffer got up the noive to try to explain to Bidumb about the comet that hit Jupiter in 1994 and how it ended its existence there, he wound up being delegated to receiving daily knob-jobs from the new Treasury secretary for the rest of 2021.

Nassau has confessed utter confusion as to what Bidumb is talking about.  You know, that space thing -- NASA -- consulted their Amazon Alexa for answers to what Bidumb was talking about, and she promptly ran off with a pet rock named Seymour to parts unknow'd.

Meantime, everyone living and dead that ever played Robin Hood* in Hollywad are looking to sue Bidumb for plagiarism. 
 

Fascistbook and TWITter have vowed to censor this report from the Chinese government, in case the Chinese had taken time out from creating mask-wearing viruses to grab a piece of the giant catcher's mitt action.

And it's only February.