The Ol' Scam Mail Just Ain't What It Used Ta Wuz

Which is, I reckon, what a recent scammer thought when he received his email back.

*Nyuk*

Let's compare, shall we? Here's what the lil' bugger sent to yours truly:

Dear Friend,
I got your email on my search for a reliable business partner on theinternet.I am interested in establishing and operating a very viable business as ameans of investment abroad. I do not know too well how this is done inyour country,so I will need you to help me in this regard.My preference is any good profit yielding business and I would appreciate anyviable ideas you could come up with. I will also need you to help me look forproperties like homes and lands for sale as I am proposing to invest thesum of Twenty Million United States Dollars (20,000,000.00 USD) for this.

I do not know if you can and will be of help to me. For a brief on mypersonality; my name is Alhaji Hussain Ahmad, a Slovakian based in Libya.I am a retired Business man,formally into Oil and Gas business.I am 62 years of age,married with awife and 4 lovely kids. I have had so much problems with the LibyanAuthority just because am a foreigner I believe.

My need for this business propositionand to acquire these properties is veryurgent as I am planning to move out of this country with my family down toyour country. I want you to also help in finding a good home where my familyand I will live in. Please reply to my personal emailas soon as you receive this message so we can communicate further. bbhussain@gmx.com
Sincerely,
Alhaji Hussain Ahmad

Serious lack of imagination on his part, wouldn't you agree?

But with a little editing *presto changeo*, an otherwise bland email can become a cause de faux pas celebritee:

I got your email on my search for a person of dubious antecedence.I am interested in establishing and operating a movie making operation as a means of investment abroad. I do not know too well how this is done inyour country, so I will need you to help me in this regard. My preference is making home movies of me sodomizing pigs. I would appreciate any viable pigs you can get your hands on for me. You see, my religion forbids me to have
contact with pork. Well, they can kiss my ass. I want to sodomize pigs, so that's what
I'm going to do. AND, I want to make movies of me doing it, so I can sell them to other
pig f***ers here in the Middle East.

For a brief on my personality; my name is Alhaji Hussain Ahmad, a pig sodomizing lowlife based in Libya. I am a retired camel sodomizer, formerly into goats, too. I am 62 years of age, and I have hair plugs and false teeth. I have had so much problems with the Libyan Authority just because I love to buttf*** pigs. Asshats. My need for this business proposition and to acquire pigs to buttf*** is very urgent. I'm one pig-horny dude.

I want you to also help in finding a good home where I can sodomize pigs, videotape it, and
sell it to pig lovers of my former religion. Please reply to my personal email as soon as you receive this message so we can communicate further. bbhussain@gmx.com
Sincerely,
Alhaji Hussain Ahmad

I thought that this put some real pizzazz into his original email, didn't you? Sadly, he didn't think so:

blaspemy u will pay

Being the courteous type that I am, I had to respond:

What fiscal denomination is 'blaspemy' please? Which culture uses this currency?

Perhaps his silence only means he's trying to find out...can anyone help him find a currency stretcher, please?