Do These Ones Do Donuts -- Part I

Some of the scammer emails I get are beyond ludicrous and laughable.  Ya simply gotta wonder how any literate soul on the face of this or any other Earth-like orb, could possibly get suckered by crap like this.

Answer:  in some part, thanks to liberal dumbed-down education that has negated critical thinking and common sense wherever possible.

At any rate, I'm taking a two-pronged approach with this one:  I'm responding AND rewriting it.  Before I commence, I wanted you to see it as it came to me.  Even Barney Fife or Sheriff Roscoe P. Coaltrane was a sharper tack in the box than than the smartest of this bunch:

FROM INTERNATIONAL POLICE ASSOCIATION UNITED STATES SECTION ( I.P. A ).

Region No. 2 New York City

P.O. Box 804 Knickerbockers Station

New York City, New -York 10002-0804 U.S.A.

The office of the international police association (I.P.A) hereby write to inform you that we caught a diplomat at  (John F. Kennedy International Airport) here in New -York with parcel box filed with united state dollars. Meanwhile, base on our interview to the diplomat (Mr. Festus Martins) he said that the parcel box belongs to you, that he was sent by REV.Terry Hawkins  of the National Drug Law Enforcement Agency Nigeria to deliver the parcel box to your doorstep, not knowing that the content of the parcel box is money. The diplomat also said that his first transit in the states was at Cincinnati Northern, Kentucky International Airport Ohio.

Now, the diplomat is under detention in the office of (I.P.A) security, and we cannot release him until we carry out our proper investigation on how this huge amount of money managed to be yours before we will release him with the boxes. So, in this regard, you are to re-assure and prove to us that the money you are about to receive is legal by sending us the  Ownership Certificate showing that the money is not illegal. Note that the Noon Residential Certificate/Proof Of Ownership Certificate must to be secured from the office of the Senate president in Nigeria, because that is the only office that will issue you the original Certificate's of these funds. You are advised to forward immediately the Certificate's if you have it with you, but if you do not have it, we will urge you as a matter of urgency to contact back the sender of the diplomat to help you secure those Certificate's if at all you did not have it.

Below is the contact information of the person  that sent the diplomat And Furnish him with your Telephone, Full Names and Residential Address.

Name: REV.Terry Hawkins

Email: terryhwakins@mail.mn 

Furthermore, we are giving you only but 5 working business days to forward the requested Certificate's. Please note that we shall get back to you after the 5 working business days, if you didn’t come up with the certificate we shall confiscate the funds into World Bank account then charge you for money laundry, but if you forward those Certificate's then we will release the diplomat with your parcel box and also gives you every back up till the money arrives your doorstep. Also note that we are doing this to make sure that any huge amount of money like yours that enters United States is genuine, we regret any inconveniences this might have caused you.

Thanks for your understanding.

Yours Truly,

I.P.A REGION NO: 2 THANKS.

DOCTOR DOUGLAS H. KING DDS.

Don't you just love that a police protective association is working with a Nigerian reverend and a dentist?

Oh yeah, I'm convinced of the authenticity here.

*Snort*

As has been my custom with these, I sent an email to the organization made the 'front' for this nonsense, just to let them know about it, in case they weren't.  A few hours later, I received a reply that politely let me know that they were aware, and that I should "delete and ignore it".

Y'all know me better than that.

The 'response' has gone out, as if I -- as Jack Ewehoff -- has taken the bait.  If that doesn't illicit a response, the rewrite is ready as well.

Whichever way it goes will be Part II.