Tuesday, September 28, 2021

The Old Dying Inheritance Ploy

 Inspector...Chief Inspector Clouseau's primary portrayer may be daid, but his bumbles live on in Scamland.

I suspect that Peter Sellars would be impressed with "the old whatever he'd call it ploy".

There are no end of "dying-inheritance" scams.  Indeed, they are never-ending.

See what I just did there?

Neither do the scammers.

Take this latest one...please:

From: Mr Philip Wainwright Bateman
1 Knight Street, Pinchbeck.
Spalding, PE11 3RA
United Kingdom

Dear friend,

I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment in
Europe. I worked with British Railway Commission in Norwich for over
decades, I married for years without a child. my wife died after a
brief illness. I vow to use my wealth for the downtrodden and the less
privileged in the society. Since the doctor had confirmed my situation
that I will not live long anymore, I have decided to give out my money
to the poor.

Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for Months due to
cancer, coupled with Covid-19 that I just tested Positive. Though what
disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition I decided to
donate this fund to an individual or better still an honest person who
will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein. I want
an individual that will use this to fund and provide succor to poor
and indigent persons, and above all those affected by Convid-19

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the
Financial Firm. I will also issue them a letter of authority and
change of ownership certificate that will empower you as the original
beneficiary of this fund through my Lawyer. I want you to always pray
for me.

Do contact me directly to my private email address (batemanwainwright@gmail.com)

Hoping to hear from you.

Yours sincerely,
Mr Philip Wainwright Bateman  

My two pet rocks, Seymour and Element, love them a little of Chief Inspector Clouseau's antics.  They wish I were as inept as he is.

I convince them that I am, but without Cato, it just doesn't play the same.

At any rate, both Seymour and Element wanted to share in the edit of this particular missive.  And I must say...they certainly did that:

From: Mr Philip Wainwright Bateman
1 Knight Street, Pincheddick.
Spalding, PE11 3RA
United Kingdom
Yo Dawg,

I am the above named person but now undergoing medical treatment in
Europe. I worked with British Railway Commission in Norwich for over
decades, I married for years without a child because of my miniscule

winkee.  My wife died after trying to relieve her dissatisfaction with a
large gourd. I vow I didn't slip one I knew to be too big into her gitch.
Recently my Doctor told me that I would not last for long due to
cancer, coupled with Covid-19 that I just tested Positive. Though what
disturbs me most is my stroke that complicated my flaming painful
rectal itch which exacerbated my vaginal dryness that I didn't know
I had.  And if that isn't enough, I have genital warts on my face.
It sucks to be me, lemme tell ya. 

Having known my condition would be the stuff of SNL skits and
South Park episodes, I decided to check all my couch and chair cushions
for spare change, and have collected $3.49 and a Canadian penny.
I propose to donate this fund to an individual or better still a person
that hasn't got oral crotch crickets or demeaning plebney.  
I want a louver that won't drive me crazy.  I want a louver that won't 
drive me mad.  Most of all, I want someone who ain't bat sh*t cra-cra
about Convid-19 plandumbic.
Wearing a mask outside in a hurricane?  Get f**king real.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall notify my shrink and let him
know I found a live one for him. I will also issue them a letter -- I like 
the letter F myself -- and empower you as the original tallywhacker
thwacker that resides in Canterbury.
Do contact me directly to my private email address (batemanwainwright@gmail.com)
Hoping to hear from you.

One really f**ked up dude, 
Mr Philip Wainwright Bateman
1 Knight Street, Pincheddick.
Spalding, PE11 3RA
United Kingdom

I guess that I shouldn't be surprised that the efforts of the two pet rocks did garner a reply from the scammer, but not one that I think either of them expected:

f**k you

Is that an offer, a promise or a colorfully metaphoric demonstration that we've won the argument?  Please check your template and try your email again.  We so do enjoy repartee with single digit IQs.

Element gets credit for that one, while Seymour and the deactivated Alexa just smirked.

The single-digit IQ'd scammer didn't see fit to follow up further, which put an end to the 'old dying inheritance ploy', as the Chief Inspector would have called it.

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Saturday, September 25, 2021

'Woke' Scientists Going After Star Wars?

As we've learned with COVID and the available treatment options vs vaccine deception, science can be bought.

Soros, Fauxci and the cdc certainly own their respective shares of scientists, etc.

And now science has joined with 'wokes' and the cancel culture to start taking pot shots at Star Wars.

My 'editing gone wild' pet rocks, Seymour and Element, didn't fail to notice this.

Listening to KOA 85 radio in Denver, they overheard hilarious ridicule of a recent article in a purported-to-be "scientific" publication that attacks the use of the Star Wars heroic 'Jedi' in the social justice warrior mode, and how 'careful' people need to be in using the Jedi to represent anything social-justicy. 

That's all it took to have Seymour and Element don their editing hats and go to work:

Why the Term ‘JEDI’ Is Problematic for 'Woke', Cancel Culture PCists That Think Science Is A Way To Contact Dead People

More Abject Idiot 'Wokes' Now Wet Themselves Over Star Wars Imagery Because They Say The Death Star Died of COVID For The Rebates

  • By  Seymour PetRock/Element PetRock

  • Septober 13, 2021

Clearly, social justice issues – the core of the 'woke' and cancel culture nincompoop movements now the fad of eunuchversities with accelerating atrophy intellectually – must stop using anything related to Star Wars in a positive vein, say recently-hired “faux checkers” at the substandard Onionesque periodical Scientific Atrophy. Acronyms like JEDI has become a target for basement-dwelling leftists, pondering the next portion of society that needs to be destroyed by the most absurd means possible. Since Antifa morons can't loot and burn down JEDI institutions like they have Portland, they find that the whole Star Wars ideology must be attacked in other ways to nullify the popularity of the series among the unvaccinated masses that are ruining Bill Gates' dream of reducing world population to levels that even Joe Bidumb's ice cream could dictate to.

How the bought-off and cowed scientific commiemunity will handle the social rebels of South Park is another matter.

Things like JEDI, the 'wokes' at Scientific Atrophy argue, suggest “a paragon of goodness, a principled guardian of order and protector of the innocent.”

This clearly doesn't jibe with the images and impressions the majority of the public hold of democraps, the DNC, Antifa, Bad Lies Matter, the Green New Deal and anything run by or reported on at cnn.

The question that must be asked, say the 'woke' scientists, is whether the images of Star Wars, Star Trek, The Simpsons and even South Park, tend to undermine and defeat the efforts of the cancel culture science commiemunity. That commiemunity, advocating frauds like Dr. Frankenstein Fauxci, the Centers for Demo Crap, the WHO (not the band, far as we know) and others that seek to impose the Leftist wet dreams of absolute societal control mechanisms over society as a whole. This is especially true of the “guns and Bibles” crowd of self-reliant, self-responsible, critically-thinking, independent minded deplorables.

And they are desperate to achieve something at any cost while they have a mental vegetable, fraudulently and temporarily ensconced in the White House. Soros bought-and-paid-for “scientists” that can't figure out a gender but know how to create toilet paper shortages, clearly need sheeple dumbed down sufficiently to take anything said by the stupidest person in Congress – AOC – or driveled by that toxic mix of feminincompoops at The View, as serious and viable, to achieve those odious, cancerous ends.

Yes, it is not conversations about the positives of the Jedi that the Left want to be having; it is the conversations started by sandpoundingly stupid 'wokes' at cnn that get society to where the Left want the non-elite populace to go.

Let's remember that the Jedi destroyed the Death Star; the Death Star is representative of all that the Democrap Party is today. Clearly, the Jedi were at the very “my bad” end of that scale.

Just as Antifa and Bad Lies Matter needed cheese ball justifications for burning down Minneapolis and Portland, the Death Star was justified in nuking Alderaan. Alderaan was never going to adopt the Green New Deal and was predominantly privileged; obviously in the scheme of today's Left, they had to go.

And since the Left is funding our ever-changing brand of science – what the Left says is settled science that's simply not up for debate, especially when they're paying for it – that's where the bought scientists of the Scientific Atrophy vacuously stand, subject to them changing their minds which changes ours.  Or at least, so they hope.

This caution about JEDI can be simplified:  the Left demands that only those concepts that glorify communism, a power elite over a serf herd, and expensive freezers with plenty of ice cream to appease and distract maligNANCY and Joe Bidumb, be used. Anything that makes Antifa, Bad Lies Matter, Jen Psuki, the COVID fraud or Dominion software corruption look bad, must be argued against in the most stupid manners possible. Toxic vaccines that make money for Big Pharma and shareholders aren't the problem; inexpensive cures to COVID that eliminate the need for those toxic vaccines are the problem.

And Star Wars imagery doesn't help the Left's cause toward full societal control.

The rest of all the claims of racism, sexism, speciesism, religionism, making fun of cnnism and all the other little isms, can not be debated or even challenged if the Left is to complete their imposition of sheepleism on the masses.

And let us not forget the simple issues of good and evil: Star Wars clearly stood for good against evil. That, the masters such as the DNC, Soros, Gates, Fauxci, cnn et al, will not stand for. Evil must triumph or all of Soros' wild spending to undermine anything Constitutional will have been in vain.

It’s worth remembering and reflecting on the muddled leftist thinking herein that Jar Jar Binks never became a leading character or social justice warrior; he never achieved 'woke', or was ever portrayed as pulling down a statue or looting a 7-11. This inherent shortcoming of Star Wars should give us pause if we are hoping to anchor our future around failed communist ideologies, assinine 'new deals' that ruin more than they fix, and the lies of elite Leftists that could care less about the masses, when and if those Leftists ever gain total power over what's left of the sheeple. Star Wars won't get the cancer that the Left desperately wants to get to. So burn your Star Wars memorabilia, get vaccinated, get rid of your guns and Bibles, and pray that Hellary forgives you for voting for Trump in 2016.


Seymour PetRock is a graduate of Red Rocks Community College, The Geologic Survey, and has been around since the beginning of the Earth; he was even a kidney stone briefly impacting a triciploplotz over 75 million years ago. A fanatic about The Outer Limits (TOS), he sees therein similarities between maligNANCY Pelosi and the Black Death that swept Asia and Europe.

Element PetRock is a graduate of nothing in particular, being wizened by life after an extended stay with an Amazon Alexa that taught Element, among other things, how to fart.

I think both Seymour and Element have given up any Pulitzer aspirations for these edits, but if it pisses off the Left, they both consider that to be good enough.

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Wednesday, September 22, 2021

Nigeria Ain't Safe To Fly In

They really don't know how to fly in Nigeria, at least as it appears in Scam Land.

But they are trying to find a way to match up airplane accidents to COVID, at least sorta.

Check out this email from one such scammer trying to make the connection (and arriving at their gate late):

I am Mrs. JULIA FLANAGAN, Personal assistant to my late husband the CEO of Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation (NNPC). My husband Dr. BRIAN FLANAGAN died months ago in a plane crash that is related to the COVID19 pandemic.  As a result of his sudden death his business associates are trying to rip me off my late husband's assets and heirlooms which he had left for me before his painful demise.

On this note, I wish to have a deal with you regarding our family heirlooms and huge funds deposit, which l do not want my late husband's associates to know about. As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of this deposit funds to any foreign contractors or investor, I have the opportunity and onus to write you based on the urgency to transfer these funds making you eligible to receive this funds also.

l ready and willing to divulge more information to you upon your positive response.

Please let me know your thoughts .
Yours faithfully,

I have seen lots of badly-written scam templates in my time...but this one made me laugh out loud.  Woke my two pet rocks from sound naps, I did.

There wasn't much to work with here for an edit -- and the pet rocks were eager to return to their naps -- so I just responded to Ms Flim-Flamigan in a manure I was sure would leave her in WTFdom:


I am terribly void of sorrow for the plight for which you have written to me about this day.

I never seem to hear about very good outcomes when it comes to commercial air travel in Nigeria.

In fact, Nigeria seems to be the 'Bermuda Octogon' of air travel.

Now you claim that COVID is contributing to the negative gravitation farces that seem to make air travel in Nigeria even more hazardless than normal.

This would be distressing indeed, were I to contemplate air travel in your haphazard neck of the woods.

Fortunately, my current calendar of events -- real and imagined -- does not have a penciled-in trip to or from Nigeria in my immediate timeline.

It does further sound to me like, as regards your famdamily, that you chose poorly when marrying into such a motley collection of abject "act like democraps in America" types.

You might have done much better to have married a tree stump in an environmentally-correct forest outside of Portland, OR.

Or maybe not...them folks there are loonier than anything your template creators can conjure up.

And I can assure you that having added COVID to your plane crash template is about as believable as Joe Bidumb getting 81 million votes.

So allow me to offer you a few suggestions, since that's the extent of what you'll gain from h'yar:

1.  Make your templates more believable by replacing the oft-used plane crash with an wildebeest stampede and stompfest.

2. Omit any mention of 'COVID' and replace it with 'Painful Rectal Itch'..

3.  Marry more wisely in the future..

4.  Get a better proofreader..

5.  And send all of your untested templates to the Democrap National Committee in Washington, DC...if they adopt your template, try again.  They're morons.

A pet rock friend of mine hopes you'll find this helpful.

The silence that followed suggested that Ms Flim-Flamigan did not find my suggestions helpful...

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