Tuesday, October 30, 2018

Poof...You're a Smellcaster

Nothing like getting a scam spell caster email solicitation on the eve of Halloween.

Makes the edit really easy.

This spell caster also claims to be a bona fide 'witch'.

Is this what Hellary's been reduced to doing after losing in '16?

LOL...at any rate, here's the ploy:

My  speciality is love spells!I customise all my spells for my clients!
Just send me an email telling me your current situation, and I will divise
a spell to fit your circumstances


I am  ASHRA KOEHN an Akychi Spell Master and witch my whole life. Devoted
to spell casting the most powerful spells known in spell casting, I seek to
help you!

Everything ordered comes with a guarantee. I personally do the spell
casting in my temple and there is no need to visit me. I look forward to
personally helping you.
Let me soothe your heartache today and ease your mind.
Its been a goal of mine to give each client the highest level of success
and service possible with any spell. Through this many people will start to
learn about God again and perhaps realize that their is a true Divine
intervention out there that is willing to help you. You need but only ask
and it shall be done.
Spell casting/ Witchcraft is an art that must be cultivated and perfected
to be effective to change another's situation for the better! I have spent
many years cultivating my art, so I can safely say with confidence, MY

Magic is in everyone and everything, every living thing has an energy
field, a magical vibration which is used in witch spells. For a love spell
to work you need to know what you want, the more certain you are, the
better; if you are unsure what it is you are after then results might be
vague, as there will be no real direction. If you are madly in love with
someone, your love spell will be extremely potent!

I customise all of my love spells because a personal love spell that fits
your situation perfectly is going to work so much faster than one that
covers every love problem under the sun, that simply wastes time and
energy. Therefore, whether you write to me first or know exactly which
spell or spells you want me to cast I will need you to tell me about your
current situation and the outcome you want - this information will be
analysed by me psychically then I will personalise your love spell... and
all you will have to do is wait for your results to appear!
What I do know, is my SPELLS WORK!

My pet rock, Seymour, doesn't like to edit spellcasters; he's afraid they'll turn him into a kumquat or something.


But Seymour DID provide the idea for the edit:

Subject: Genuine Smell Caster!!!

My speciality is casting smells!I customise all my smells for my clients!
Just send me an email telling me your current situation, and I will divise
a smell to upend your circumstances


I am  ASHRA KOEHN an Akychi Smell Master and witch my whole life. Devoted
to smell casting the most powerful smells known in smell casting, I seek to
envelope you in the most disgusting miasmas knowd!

Everything with an odor comes with a guarantee. I personally do the smell
casting in my temple and there is no need to visit me. Most folks what know
what I do in my temple wish never to visit me there, for it is always the
most potent at the source.  I look forward to personally imagine you gagging
and gasping in the miasma of my smells.

Let me foul you as only I can.  Its been a goal of mine to give each client the 
most rancid flatulence a witch of my anal proficiency can.  Through this many
people tried and many people died, and now are buried together on the
countryside.  10..20..30..40..50 or more...The Bloody Fartbaron, keeps
running up the score...80 clowns died, trying to buy a smell, from the
Bloody Fartbaron, of Witchery.

Smell casting/ Witchphfft is an art that must be cultivated and perfected
to be effective to impact another! I have spent many years cultivating my 
farts, so I can safely say with confidence, MY SMELLS WORK FAST!

Flatulence is in everyone and everything, every living thing has an energy
field, a miasmic vibration which is used in witch smells. For a smell
to work you need to know what you want, the more certain you are, the
better; if you are unsure what it is you are after then results might be
vague, as there will be no real direction. If you are mad and eat the
right ingredients, my smell to you will be extremely potent!

I customise all of my smells because a personal smell that fits
your situation perfectly is going to work so much faster than one that
covers every possible stench under the sun, that simply wastes time and
energy. Therefore, whether you write to me first or know exactly which
smell or smells you want me to cast I will need you to tell me about your
current situation and the outcome you want - this information will be
analysed by me psychically then I will personalise your smell... and
all you will have to do is wait for your results to attack you in an
elevator or other closed space!
What I do know, is my SMELLS WORK!
Just as my pet rock feared, the smell caster was not enamored of the edit:
you are wrong to make little of me  i can cast on you spell of ill if that is you wish
Give it your best fart there, Smell Caster!
Seymour is in hiding, and fully expects to see me looking like a flying monkey or something....

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Saturday, October 27, 2018

Hogwash It Is

It's not often that a scammer starts out their scam template with an honest representation of what their email is all about.

Especially intentionally.

But that's what this one did, and see how quickly you notice it:

Dear Friend,
Greetings to you.

Please do not view my appeal as a vacuous hogwash. My trusted family attorney who could have executed my WILL & TESTAMENT on my behalf died early this year after a brief illness.I therefore prayed fervently on how to handle this pressing situation and God directed me to you.I am Mrs. Bennie Caroline Morgan,from Brisbane Australia,I am 62 years old. I am suffering from cancer of the lungs & it has affected part of my brain cells due to complications.My condition is degenerating & i may expire in the next couple of months,unless God intervenes.  

In 19 years of dealing with email scammers, I've never had one ask me not to consider their email "vacuous hogwash".

Even while it is.

The scammer email went on for a number of paragraphs, piling more vacuous hogwash atop the lead-off sentence.  And that gave me some room for editing in a manure that most hogs would genuinely appreciate:


Dear Unknowd Person of Dubious Antecedence, Gender, Privilege and Voting Preferences,

 Please do not view my appeal as a vacuous hogwash. View it with all the reverence due that of a
South Park episode, wherein vacuous hogwash would be substituted for vacuous man-bear-pigwash.  My trusted family atturkey who executed my WILL & TESTAMENT with a bloviated Salad Shooter early this year has left me the task of having to come up with another will and testament.  I therefore prayed fervently on how to handle this pressing situation and a goat-head baphomet that looks like Hellary Clinton with horns, mounted on a broom, directed me to you shortly before she crashed into a tree, which is her latest excuse for having lost in 2016.

I am Mrs. Bennie Caroline Morgan, from a refugee camp in Senegal where 36 years ago I was molested when a current US Appeals Court judge asked me for my phone number and then proceeded to date my sister, my mother, my cousins and a pet donkey we had.  Now I am 62 years old and I am suffering from #metoo memories that change as often as the talking points from the DNC are received.  My condition is degenerating & i may have to declare as a non-binary gender-fluid octosexual orthopod in the next couple of months, unless cnn intervenes with a spot on a panel show whereon I can become as infamous as Jim Acosta.

I can no longer be a member of Oprah Winfrey's therapists, having gone twenty years without having an offspring or an onfall. My late husband had chronic flatulence and a penchant for lighting it, and he died of blowd up bowel syndrome a few years ago. He was actually quite an entertainment act in Nigeria for over 18 years, where he could create all sorts of democrap images with his exploding farts, from HRC to WTF and every current democrap notable in between, before his untimely death.
He also established Antifa cells in Portland before his exploding ass caught up with him.

 Consequent upon the shocking demise of my explosive spouse, i opted as a rule, not to have anything to do with conservatives. When medical reports revealed that my psychotic conditions were due to my excess exposure to liberalism, I auctioned off all of my Hellary Nutcrackers from 2008 and deposited the proceeds amounting to USD $9.95 with First Inland Bank of Nigeria plc. The management of the bank has written me a whole series of "who are you f**king kidding?" memos because of the pathetic balance in the account and mandated me in the memo to issue a letter to Dianne Frankenfeinstein, claiming that I was molested by the next US Supreme Court appointee in 1969 at the Hotel Kaliforlornia, which the Eagles sang about I am told.  I am assured that a porn atturkey of no integrity and less ethics will be happy to represent me on cnn as clearly spelt out in their rule of engagement.

I crave your indulgence as a millennial snowflake-fearing individual that equally has the moral equivalent of an outhouse pit, equal to that to be found anywhere in the DNC.  This is a painstaking decision i have taken to help Bela Pelosi become an unintelligible, stammering Sprecher of Das Haus in an upcoming mockumentary about the 2018 blue wave that never was.

Note that as soon as i receive your reply and personal information as listed below, I shall foul myself repeatedly, because only morons believe sh*t like this, which is why I usually send it to democraps, for the center of global moronism is centered at the DNC.  Let me remind you that my genitals have been sent to a holding sarcophagus in San Crapcisco, in case I change my non-binary gender-fluid octosexual orthopod status again.  

I am the ass, and you are the hand that's spanking my monkey.  Please assure me that you will not treat this offer with the abject levity that it deserves.

Kindly send the information in this order:

(1) Your full names (the more the betterer) :===================================

(2) personal, official or whatever contact address you care to use:===============================

(3) Home or Office phone#:============Cellphone#:==========Fax#:=======

(4) Your Age (I don't really need this, but it wouldn't see authentic if I didn't ask for it) :===============


(6)What do you have Sex with/and are you married to it:========================

I Await your response while hoping you will not laugh at me the way Trump does on Twitter.

May a marmot steal your virginity in the middle of the night.

Mrs. Bennie Caroline. Morgan

(London Uk)

Private Email:
The scammer didn't have much to say about how I treated her scam email as "vacuous hogwash".  The DNC probably will, but they're up to their eyelids in their own party's hogwash just now.

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Wednesday, October 24, 2018

It's All In The Execution II

Yes, it is.

Hellary ain't figured that out yet.

Neither has this particular scammer, who titled her email to my character "Careful!!!":

Dearest Reader/Friend

My name is Susan Walter, I live at 8763 Pelican Dr.La Grange IL
60525,United States. I am one of those that executed a contract in Nigeria years ago but they
refused to pay me, I have paid over $70,000 USD trying to get my payment
with no results.

A person directed me to travel over to England with all my contract documents
to meet Barr Richard Cohen, he is the member of CONTRACT PAYMENT COMMITTEE
and LEGAL ADVISER to the COMMITTEE in the United Nation, Uk, I contacted him
and he explained everything to me on telephone and advised me to travel to
United Kingdon,which I did.

He said that those contacting us through emails are fake. Then he took me
to the paying bank, which is Hsbc Bank London, Uk, and I am the happiest
woman after receiving my contract funds of $8.2Million USD.

In the process of searching for my file,I saw your information on awaiting
pay ment list in the office of Barr Richard Cohen  .Though I did not however,
see all your contact details lest your fax number.

Am sorry contacting you so late as I had planned doing it as soon as I
arrive back home.I have been so busy because we are trying to set up a factory here with
the money we received.So if you are interested,please do contact Barr Richard Cohen with the
information below,explain yourself to him . he is a honest and humble
person.Alternately, mention my name to him he will help you.

Name: Barr Cohen Richard
Email: barrcohenrichard@vivaldi.net
phone number:+441412807759

When contacting Barrister Richard ,re-confirm your details to him and also
submit this file number : (PF/TY6574/UN)He will use the above file number to get your file info easily.

You really have to stop your dealing with those contacting you,they will
drain your resources until you have nothing to eat.The only money I needed to pay was just 200 GBP for the clearance to my
fund, So please take note of that. You can reach me on this telefax number:


Mrs.Susan Walter  

My pet rock, Seymour, wanted all over this one, so I dun turned him loose in "pet rock gone wild edit mode":

From: Mrs.Susan Walter <admin@green.ch>
Sent: Tuesday, October 16, 2018 11:36 AM
To: Recipients
Dearest Reader/Writer/Rithmaticker

My name is Susan Walter, I live at 8763 Pelican Dork Dr., La Grange IL
60525, United States. I am one of those that executed a contract in Nigeria years ago;
in my case, I used a Salad Shooter to execute it.  I was paid over $70,000 USD for my
part in the 'hit'.  

It was kind of depicted in a Law & Order episode 20 years ago.

A marmot that had once been a person until rodentified by a coven of Wiccan
feminincompoops, directed me to visit a psychic medium to foretell what might
become of me after this episode, and the psychic medium -- who was much closer
to a XXXL super-size -- directed that I should avoid travel to England with all of my
laminated genital warts collection to meet Barr Richard Cohen.  He is the English
equivalent of Michael Avenatti, and every bit as crooked and unethical, which is
why he is in the United Nation.

He said that those contacting us through emails are every bit as fake as cnn,
except for him; he was once a she that did pole dancing at the Pickyourdilly
Club on Denby Road, an MI-Sux front operation for faked dossiers that fool
cnn all the time.  Then he took me to the UK version of Stormy Daniels, and
she still had his dork attached because she wasn't sure if being a she was
all that it had been cracked up to be when Hellary fell off her broom in 2016.

In the process of searching for my file, I saw video of manatees sporting wet
t-shirts in an #UsToo video meant to air during the USA mid-term elections to
sway votes away from confirming Judge Kavanaugh.  I didn't have the heart or
all of my liver to tell them it was too late for such nonsensicals, since they felt
that to not go ahead would run them afoul of Dianne Frankenfeinstein, and
anyone who watched B horror movies in the '50s knows about that.

Anyway, the Avenatti equivalent in the UK -- Bannister Richard Cohen -- has
your contact details and claims to have photos of you leaving a Motel 6 in
Georgetown last October with a Hellary inflatable sex toy and a yak, which
he'll fax to anyone that still has a fax unless you play ball.

Am sorry contacting you without knowing the kind of ball you're supposed to
play; all the UK wankers assume it to be a soccer ball. 

I have been so busy trying to avoid catching the same level of abject stupid that
has overcome Alyssa Milano and Chelsea Mishandler -- both of whom seek to
out-stupid Kathy Griffin -- because we are trying to set up a faux factory here that
turns out replicas of Fauxcahontas for her 2020 crimepaign to run for chief of the
HellaJeep Cherokee tribe, with offices in the basement outhouse of the DNC.

So you'll have to deal with the bannister yourself:

Name: Bannister Cohen Richard
Email: barrcohenrichard@vivaldi.net
phone number:+441412807759

When contacting Bannister Richard , re-confirm to him that you are not, and have never
sought to be a door knob.

In a sideways note, You really have to stop your dealing with those contacting you like me, they will
drain your race horses until you have nothing to eat.  The only money I needed to pay for sex with
a yak was just 200 GBP, so please take note of that. You can reach me on this telefax number:
1-208-248-3647 though I'm not sure why you'd want to.

Mrs.Susan Walter  
The scammer is either somewhat literate, or the mere mention of Horseface Stormy Daniels' liar was enough to end the communication...

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Sunday, October 21, 2018

The Fauxcahontas FAIL Edit

Election 2018 approaches and the left just can't get enough of shooting themselves in the foot.  With a howitzer.

Lizzy "Lieawatha" Warren is front and center.

Seems she took up a challenge from President Trump to prove that she's part Cherokee and Delaware Indian with a DNA test.

She took one.  One that was supplemented with indigenous DNA not of Native American stock.

And what'd she come with:  possibly 1/1024 part something shenanigas.

Her own party isn't happy with her timing or stupidity.

But she came along at a perfect time for a scam letter edit.

I hear from this alleged-to-be-China-based scammer from...well, read it yourself:

Have a nice day!  
This is Andy from ShangKun Co.,Ltd,
We are one of leading manufacturer of ARTIFICIAL LAWN in China.With ISO9001:2008,ISO14001:2004 and TS16949:2009 certified.the 200 staffs, 12 years experience, this is how we keep good quality, competitive price,best service and rapid distribution for you.
We are looking forward to receiving your inquiry.If you are interested in other products, please let us know freely.
Best regards.
It's always the same pitch, just for a different product line.
The scam must work somehow, as this is probably 10 or more times I've heard from this particular scammer, and always with a different product line.
Fauxcahontas and the DNC now have this scammer to work with in 2020:
From: Everybody Wang Chung Tonight <shangkun01@hotmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, October 17, 2018 2:44 AM
Subject: Artificial Cherokee Lawn Ornament Supplier For DNC 2020 Crimepaign - China
Have a fake DNA day courtesy of the DNC!  
This is Andy from Everybody Wang Chung Tonight Co., Ltd, and we are one of leading manufacturer of ARTIFICIAL CHEROKEE LAWN ORNAMENTS FOR DNC 2020 CRIMEPAIGN in China.  With WTF9001:2008, WTF14001:2004 and 1/1024 part sub-Saharan camel certified, we can provide you all the Fauxcahontas Warren in 2020 fake Cherokee lawn ornaments you could possibly want for purposes only a real moron could want them for.  And, we has 200 staffs, 12 years experience, and other talking points that George Soros paid us to say about how we keep good quality with a shoddy, faked product.  We aren't really competitive price, but long as Soros foots our bill, it don't matter.  We claim to have the best service this side of cnn and rapid distribution of this kind of bullsh*t for you as quickly as cnn can put it out. 
We are looking forward to receiving your inquiry.  If you are interested in other products -- such as our inflatable Hellary sex toys that leak, squeak, cackle and fall over a lot -- please let us know freely. 
Best regards.
Everybody Wang Chung Tonight
On this occasion, the scammer actually responded with an offer:  "perhaps we can work together?"
My character's response:  Of course we can.  You make 'em, I'll market them to fecal colonies on Uranus.  We'll make a killing!!!  
That seems to have ended the embryonic partnership.
The DNC still has to weigh in, but I suspect it'll go about the same way.

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