Friday, July 21, 2017

Even The Desktops Are Stupid

I'm pretty sure that the desk pictured here is waaaaay smarter than the latest talking desk I'm hearing from.

Gideon Masie, claiming to be from Barclay's Bank in the UK -- and the latest scammer I'm hearing from making that claim -- started out like this:


Hello sir,
In reference to your funds which was forwarded to us here ( BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND) FOR FURTHER VERIFICATION AND AUTHENTICATION .    We want to come to your notice that after due verification, we found out that your fund transfer was done through non existing banking process based on open tender policy.   As a matter of fact, the transfer which was attempted several times with different beneficiaries was believed to be a floating fund without a good clam of ownership.

On this regard, I, Mr.Gideon Masie is now your new bank officer.   I will work well with you but I love transparency in every thing I do. You will have your money but due to the errors committed in the past, some areas need to be clarified for the security of the fund, As soon as 100% guarantee is achieved,this is to know is the fund in question is a payment for drug transaction ,money laundry or things related to that.once this is done, I have no any other option than to forward your money to any accounted provided  We are sorry if this in one way or the other will affect you but there is nothing we can do than what is necessary  for security reasons.



So instead of "from the desk of", it's now "on the desk top of".  Okay, fine:  let's have at it:

Why would I want to converse with your desk top?  

That apparently so confused ol' Gideon, he sent me this reply three times:

I did not understand your question. I am writing as your new bank officer. Please forward to this office your full data ,ID and bank details

I simply why would I want to converse with your desk top.  Just what is on YOUR desk?  

Hope you don't mind forwarding the required documents for further processes.

I wouldn't mind if I knew what the f**k you were talking about.  What documents?  What are they?  

At your services any time you are ready  

You are?  At my services?  Anytime I'm ready?  Okay, I'll play:  what services are you at?  

Read my mail on 20th  

When, the 20th of next month?  If you mean for me to READ your mail of the 20th, stop being dumber than a door stop and say so. 

There is no needs for you to be insulting.  Read my mail on the 20th.  

Fine, I'll get back to you on the 20th.  Anything else, Poodle Lips?  

Please read again my mail on the 20th. Stop make fun of me please.  

I already told you that I'd read your mail on the 20th just like you've asked.  I'll bet you're the same bank that offers free toasters to new depositors and then reneges on that offer, aren't you?  

I write nothing about a toaster.  PLEASE read my mail on the 20th and get back to me with what is needed.  This delay is not good.  

How many f**king times do I have to tell you that your request of my reading your mail on the 20th will be done when the bloody 20th comes around next?  If that isn't what you meant, bloody clari-f**king-fy yourself and don't you DARE renege again on the free toaster offer.

Did you read my mail on the 20th or not?  I said no thing about toaster.  Are you going to follow instructs or not?  

Today is the 29th, Numbnuts.  You said for me to read your mail on the 20th.  That's 23 days from now.  And I see that you and your bank are indeed reneging on your free toaster to depositors with new accounts again.  How can you POSSIBLY think that making and withdrawing such offers is good business for Barclay's?  Are you a moron by birth or choice?  Never re-reading our correspondence, you've already answered that.  

you are insane.  dont contact me more.  

My only insanity was believing your desktop was capable of delivering anything of value, including a free toaster.  Now I know why your desktop started this certainly educationally up to it.

That got my character one last email response from ol' Gideon...but it was a reply with no text.  Left him textless, I guess.

Anyway, I'm marked my calendar...when the next 20th rolls around, I'll let him know I read his email on the 20th...and demand my toaster.

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Blogger Sandee said...

Well you are insane and I mean that in a very good way. This guy is really slow too.

Have a fabulous day and weekend, Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

21 July, 2017 10:09  

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