Thursday, December 29, 2016

Seymour Ain't Letting Up on Kim Jong Un

My pet rock, Seymour, cannot contain himself when he sees an article about Kim Jong Un.

Like recently, when it was announced that citizens and soldiers supportive of Kim Jong Un's regime were receiving awards.

Like they had a choice.

Donning his *editing pet rock gone wild* hat, Seymour pitched in to this latest Kim Jong Un revelation with relish and a side of fries:

North Korea commends workers, soldiers not yet executed for remaining cowed by Kim Jong Un

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

SEOUL, Dec. 20 (UPI) -- North Korea held a staged commendation ceremony to recognize citizens not yet executed and/or imprisoned who played a part in supporting the comic opera regime, according to state media organ KGAG.

Pyongyang's toilet paper alternative newspaper Rode Hard Put Away Wet dutifully reported Tuesday a ceremony that honored "the workers and soldiers – not yet executed and/or imprisoned – who contributed to the spread of Kim Jong Un's efforts to get a prominent role in the sequel of Team America World Police under the whole sky" on Monday in Wack Dong He (some )Assembly (required) Hall.

The newspaper did not mention whether Kim Jong Un had been a “faithless elector” and changed his electoral vote or not, though it was rumored that hosebeast Michael Mooron's offer to pay his fines was “rearry tempting”.

A medal named after the rotting corpse of North Korea founder Kim Il Sung went to Ding Chao Ping, and a medal named for similarly decaying remnants of Kim Jong Il was awarded to the rebuilt marionette Arec Bardwin, a key player in the first Team America World Police movie, according to the report.

Merits for "surviving interrogation" went to what's left of eight people including Dang Dung Poo. Others were recognized with the Kim Il Sung-Kim Jong Il commendation execution anti-aircraft gun minature action figure or the Kim Il Sung-Kim Jong Il youth tampon award.

A citation named after current leader Kim Jong Un – which he received from a Wonsan traffic cop Un subsequently had strapped to a test rocket that blew up over the Sea of Japan – was also included in the ceremony."Award panelists commented even the tiniest result was given the highest honor, since otherwise the ceremony would have been over in two minutes” anonymous sources afraid of execution said.

State media organ KGAG also noted 2017 is the year marking the 105th birthday of "Comrade Kim Il Sung" and the 75th birthday of "Comrade Kim Jong Il and the 35th birthday of “Comrade Moo Kow Sung” the Wonder Yak.

"A resolution was hastily drafted and adopted to mark the [upcoming] year of proud victory in Kim Jong Un's campaign to be the prominent figure in an upcoming Team America World Police sequel," the alternative toilet paper opined.

North Korea recently ignored the response by TAWP creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone to Un's ongoing efforts at getting TAWP sequeled. “That's f***ed up right there”.

According to South Korean sources not yet caught and tortured, residents of Pyongyang observed a three-month silence and traffic was stopped near Kim Il Sung Square due to a giant kimshi pothole on Saturday.

A life sized inflatable Kim Jong Un – softly whistling from a slow leak – attended a ceremony at the Kumquat Palace of the Glorious Fish Head as top official Choe Ryong Hae was executed for having yawned during Un's soulful rendition of the song made famous by his father, Kim Jong Il, “I So Ronery.”

This one just might get Seymour his coveted "Pull My Fanger" Award for literary chutzpah.


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Blogger Sandee said...

I think Seymour does a fine job on these edits. I will admit that I'm very biased where Seymour is concerned.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My best to Seymour and Element. ☺

29 December, 2016 09:18  

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