Chat Widda...?

I think my pet rock, Seymour, is bein' bad on the sly.

"Am NOT!!!"

Everytime I log in to the email address that Seymour's FB page requires, I notice that 'he' is getting a load of Yahoo Chat requests.

"Am N...I am??"

Yep. And from the sounds of the names, I am guessing that somehow, Seymour's 'Yahoo profile', is being set up to be defiled.

Now, being 'responsible' for Seymour as I sorta am, I tend to take those invites with not a grain of salt, but a dump truck load of it, and I 'block' them.

"Phfffffttt!"

All except for one....identified as 'freidamgishimomura'. That one I 'accepted' on Seymour's behalf.

"And??? What'd she say???"

Until the other night, not a thing. But on one fateful night, 'freida' was online when I went in to check for any scam email opportunities that occasionally land in Seymour's inbox. And -- as I suspected -- there was less to 'freida' than I had already figured.

"Is NOT!!"

Okay, Seymour...here is an exact transcript of my 'chat' with 'freidamgishimomura', in its entirety ('her' comments in bold, mine in italics):

Just got here!you there?

i am hear.

"How come you typed so stupid-looking?"

As you'll see, Seymour, 'she' wasn't in this for intellectual discussion:

Hey sweety, how r ya. I'm just bored and found your name thru the yahoo member directory, do u wanna chat?

sure im chat wif u now, rn't i?

Yay! was starting to think no one wanted to chat with me..so watcha ya up to cutie?

"She called ME cutie??"

Easy, Seymour...read on:

i werkin on a collage theesus papur. it hard werk. U?

Im just hangin out..i have the place to myself, my roommate left on vacation for the week so I get to play online in my thong..LOL

awesum..what iz ur favorit thong? i like rock n roll stuff.

"Tell me you DIDN'T write that as me, please!"

Read on, Seymour:

So what you wearin, sexy?

me? i where a moooo!bar serf shorts and a tank top wif a piktur on it

I know we just met but im really turned on right now. Its just a little naughty fun on my web cam...you UP for it, sexy???

"Uh oh..."

Now you're catching on, Seymour. Read on:

i dont not half a web cam

k my cam is wired thru a chat network to keep the yahoo kids away from me so dont worry if you dont have a cam or yours dont work ok? u can just watch mine.

ok..watch chanel u on?

Ok you need to go to http://www.facebook-live.com/ if you cant click the link type it in or copy/paste it to ur browser let me know when u get it.

*after a moment*

i czechd my tv chanels an cant not find u. where r u?

silly..its free thru my profile invitation but hurry it expires in 10 mins...so click on it, k?

ok i go fill

its free, credit card, debit card or atm verifies your age *TOING -- the catch* they dont charge anything on it I had to do the same thing babe..cant show tits and pussy to minors...you know?

*after a few minutes to make it plausible that I filled out something*

ok...i filld it in the informations. what i do now?

when we get in there you better take us private so I can show you some things. Are u coming yet?

i be there fast as my connect speeds let me. where iz u?

I'm from southern Miami near downtown area. and you?

i frum iowa.

okay you in yet babe? im the one in the main video...you better gimme some "gold" as a flirt

(which, I gather, is some kind of access to whatever credit/debit card I was supposed to have used to sign up..now, how long can I make her think I did, and "am in"?)

wooooow...iz that u?

like what you see babe? ask me to do anything.

my goodess...i haved not seed an ass that big since i last milked the cows.

And that ended 'her' part of the conversation. I, of course, carried on a one-sided conversation for several minutes while 'her' chat icon was still indicating that 'she' was still online. Little casual conversational snippits like:

does OSHA make u wear a back up alarm with an ass that big?

did u do that video about manatees gone wild? i liked that video.

can u fit a Yugo in there front ways or sideways?

After that last one, 'her' chat icon changed and I got a message that 'freidamgishimomura' was offline.

"You're bad, Skunk".

Yawp...and I am revoking your Yahoo privileges, Seymour.

"PHFFFFFTTT!"