Friday, June 3, 2011

Sooplies, Sooplies!


I love it when a scammers asks me in email to do something, and I exceed his/her expectations in such a way as to leave him/her near speechless.

Actually, I tend to leave them totally speechless most of the time, so when they're able to say at least something, it's a bit more fun.

A recent email of note from an alleged "doctor" -- Dr. Justice Iheme, dr.justiceiheme@yahoo.co.uk -- came with the title of SUPPLY ORDER
and wanted me to provide him with a "catalogue of supplies" that I could arrange to send to him to sell for me in Ghana.

For an advanced commission fee, of course. A little different approach. End results the same ;-)

Now, I have a product list, of a sort: my totally made-up, completely unworkable product list from Bonco, UnInc, makers of things beyond merely ridiculous. But it was apparent that for Iheme's "needs", I would have to have more.

So I thunk up some, suitable for offering to Iheme, and 25 of his email scamming peers and colleagues. This is the rewritten email that went back under Iheme's name and email addy, to him and his colleagues:

DEAR SIR/MADAM/ANY VARIATIONS LEFT OUT,

I NEED SUPPLIES. ANY SUPPLIES. F***, I WOULD TAKE A SHIPMENT OF DEFECTIVE DILDOS, JUST TO RECEIVE SOMETHING. LIFE HERE IN GHANA SUCKS ANYTHING IMAGINABLE. IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT, JUST ASK KWESI ASSOCIATE, AKA AAUSTAINO ON YAHOO CHAT...HE LOST HIS DORK HERE. AND THAT WAS A GOOD DAY FOR HIM.

THINGS WE NEED IN GHANA INCLUDE, BUT ARE NOT LIMITED TO:

BRASS SPONGES
VIRGINS
PORCUPINE ENEMA REMOVAL TOOLS
PAINFUL RECTAL ITCH SCRATCHERS
NOSE PICKERS
ROLLED TOILET PAPER TO SUBSTITUTE FOR FAX PAPER (WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE GOOD FOR?)
JACKALOPE ANTLER COAT RACKS
SHRUNKEN HEAD REVERSAL KITS
BIG HEAD TODD AND THE CANNIBALS MUSIC CDS
HIPPO LIPOSUCTION KITS
ARMY ANT DRILL TEAM UNIFORMS
ANY UNWORKABLE PRODUCT BY BONCO, UNINC
LEOPARD SPOT REMOVER
ANY 'FOR DUMMIES' BOOK ON HOW TO WRITE EFFECTIVE EMAIL SCAM LETTERS
BOTTLED PICKLED MEERKAT DORKS
CUPHOLDERS FOR KOMODO DRAGON SADDLES
ARTIFICIAL TEETH HAIR REMOVER
OZARKS HENS TEETH
AUTHENTIC SNAKE BREASTS
TARANTULA EARS BY THE PAIR
HUGO CHAVEZ HALLOWEEN MASKS

Like I said, we'll take ANY-F***ING-THING. YOU CAN CONTACT US AT:

JUSTICE CONSOR LTD, 69 KUMASI ROAD, ACCRA, GHANA
PHONE 233 268 645 733 (CALL ME BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 4AM MY TIME, CUZ I LOVE WORKING NIGHTS)

Ask, and ye shall receive.

But sometimes, the scam letter originator isn't quite sure how to react when he gets more than he bargained on:

What is meaning of this? this is not what i sended you? what?

I love when a scammer's plan comes phfffft:

Whaddaya mean h'yah? You axed for sooplies. I send you big sooplies. Sooplies, sooplies. I sooplies you, yes?

u leav me alon u asshol.

What? You no like the sooplies, sooplies I sended you? You said you'd take anything.

But he didn't mean it; he wouldn't take any more repartee.

No 'sooplies' here ;-)

Labels: , , , ,

7 Comments:

Blogger Sueann said...

I guess this phrase says it all..."u leav me alon u asshol"!!!
I am dying here!! Ha!! Ha!!
Hugs
SueAnn

03 June, 2011 03:01  
Blogger Unknown said...

That was an especially fun one!

03 June, 2011 05:21  
Blogger Sandee said...

You are an asshol. Bwahahahahahaha. I know who the asshol is and it isn't you.

Have a terrific day and weekend. My best to Seymour. :)

03 June, 2011 10:44  
Blogger Jenny said...

Hey Feddahs, if you gots any shrunken head reversal kits or komodo dragon saddle cupholders left when it's all sed 'n done, I could use such sooplies myownself for application on various adventures and misadventures I have planned for the summer. You know how to contact me for delivery of said itmes. Much obliged, friend.

04 June, 2011 07:27  
Blogger Right Truth said...

That list is something else, 'brass sponges'?

I had a spam email yesterday where I was asked to urgently contact the emailer with another email address so we could correspond privately. He said he had desperately been trying to get in touch with my father.

Good luck with that, my father died September 2001 and is presently in Heaven, a place where scammers probably won't go.

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

04 June, 2011 11:55  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

@Debbie: I've responded to a few scammers as "Jerome Curly Howard", aka Curly of the Three Stooges, from beyond the grave. Freaks some of them out ;-)

04 June, 2011 16:31  
Blogger Serena said...

I'm laughing my butt off at the "asshol" exchange. I love it when the insulting scammer idiots can't even spell their insults.:-)

05 June, 2011 19:29  

Post a Comment

<< Home