Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Contest To End ALL Contests


A fitting day for this particular post -- May Day.


At least some of you will see what I just did there.

In one rather unspectacular night in April -- during one of my bouts with insomnia -- I received three rapid-fire notifications via email, that I had 'won' three online lottos. My collective 'win' was just short of 7 Million Pounds (UK), between the three. I had 'won' lottos from the UK National, Shell Oil and Microsoft, EU.

*Yawn*

Insomnia's a funny thing, 'cept when you have it. But it wasn't you that had it. It was me.

And that, sometimes, can be funny. Or not. Depends on how your sense of humor trends, in warped relation to my own.

As has been my habit, despite nun protests, I re-wrote all three contests, and sent them back to their originators, along with to a very select group of email scammers (ie., their email addresses are, for now, still working).

Not that I got anything in return that readers would find amusing on this go around; but you might find some strange kind of amusement in what I did with one of the re-writes, which will fit in the the accompanying photo/calendar for next year's widely-anticipated *apocalypse* on The History Channel.

'Prolly just like Y2K.

At any rate, a scammer flying under the guise of Barrister David Green (claim_dptupdate@live.com), and his internet scam ho' Rose Wood -- they threw in a 'Mrs' in parentheses, just to legitimize her -- sent me email notification that I had won the UK NATIONAL LOTTERY.

I returned it to him/her/it, along with over a dozen of their respective peers this way, along with amended dates, times, and outcomes: *Blogger's Note: if you are offended by making fun of 'The End', you might only wince at what's to come; trust me, you're really smirking, and about to lapse into LYAO....really*

SUBJ: MAYAN CALENDAR APOCALYPSE LOTTERY

TO: THE PITIFULLY FEW SURVIVORS

DATE: FRIDAY, DECEMBER 21, 2012

Dear Email User,

You're F***ED! Guess what time it is? THAT'S RIGHT: IT'S THE END OF THE MAYAN CALENDAR, AND YOU'RE TEE-TOTALLY F***ED!

Whacking great time for a contest, we thought.

Our Mayan Calendar APOCALYPSE LOTTERY has selected YOUR EMAIL to have WON the sum of...oh hell, what the f*** does it matter? After all, you can't take it with you, right? So just print this notification and take THAT with you, so you can show everyone you know in the afterlife that you went out a WINNER!

To the official sh**: Your email has won the sum of 5,014,478 GBP in cash credited to a file in the just concluded by the Mayan Calendar APOCALYPSE LOTTERY. Programme held on Draw Date Thursday, December 20, 2012. Sorry we didn't notify you a tad quicker. Eh....f***ing sue us. Our attorneys will see yours in Heckydarnpoo and probably do lunch on your dime.

Winning numbers: 10, 26, 28, 34, 35, 39 and bonus 17

Ticket number: 8603775966738

Secret number: ....you realize, of course, that providing you all this info is just a f***ing waste of time, right? ...089188/10

Please submit the following informations, not that it will make much difference, because it's the END OF THE CALENDAR AND YOU'RE F***ING DEAD! But, what the f***: just in case you happened to avoid dying from the big ass asteroid that obliterated your, Mr. Rogers, and everyone elses' neighborhoods, then you can fight it out with the zombies that have to survive to make this a worthwhile project for what's left of Hollyweird to make a movie out of.

Just don't look for it on the 2013 Oscars; zombies eat anything remotely Oscar. Nyuk.

Please email your informations (full name, address, physical description, marks, scars, tattoos, other identifying features) to Fiduciary agent Barrister David Green at email claim_dptupdate@live.com

Note: All Responses should be sent to Agent via email, since everyone will be running around and screaming, as they see the giant space rock about to wipe their sorry asses out of existence; Barrister Green will have his 4G phone with him, to record your winning information while he's running and screaming. That's right, Barrister: you work to the bloody f***ing end.

Congratulations from the MAYAN CALENDAR APOCALYPSE LOTTERY!

Do you think that Barrister Green, or any of his over a dozen peers, appreciated the irony here? It would have been nice, had they dropped me a line to let me know.

Eh..perhaps they're too busy running and screaming already.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Sueann said...

The End Times lottery!! That would be the one I would win for sure!! Ha!
Hugs
SueAnn

01 May, 2011 05:42  
Blogger Jack K. said...

Perhaps they are.

LMAO

01 May, 2011 11:22  
Blogger Unknown said...

Methinks you have way too much time on your hands these days! LOL

01 May, 2011 11:53  
Blogger Sandee said...

Well if you can't sleep at least you are doing something entertaining. Just my two cents.

I just love how you play with these jerks. A. Lot.

Have a terrific day. :)

01 May, 2011 20:33  
Blogger Shrinky said...

An end of days lottery - haaaaaaa! Where do you dream (ouch, sorry) these up from?? Don't give up hope of hearing back from them, these guys tend to be very forgiving when it comes to their scams!

02 May, 2011 03:15  
Blogger Right Truth said...

It's doubtful you will hear from the Barrister and his minions. You have way too much fun with these guys.

As to having insomnia, I don't, but for the last couple of days I've been waking up every hour, not very restful. Here's wishing you a good night sleep

Debbie
Right Truth
http://www.righttruth.typepad.com

02 May, 2011 07:49  

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