Friday, April 8, 2011

They'd Like To Teach The World To...

..avoid sending me this stuff. Eventually, perhaps.

Personally, I like Coca Cola. Always have. Though, when they experimented about 30 years ago with their original formula, and got rid of it for a short time, I was none too pleased. Not long afterward -- after the PR black eye -- Coca Cola returned the original formula under the guise of Coca Cola Classic.

Eh...long as I could get the stuff I liked again, all was forgiven.

Now, they're screwing with me again.

Well, ain't Coke that's screwing with me. But someone wanted me to believe that my favorite soda pop maker was suddenly my bestest buddy, by awarding me a tidy sum of money. And expected that I'd take my wrath out on Coca Cola, when I *fell* for the ploy, as they hoped I would.


Of course, I knowd right away that it was another AlGore AGW-like scam. But what to DO about it?

I did undertake to notify the company...and found they already knowd. Eh. That coulda been that.

But we know me...a *TOING* wouldn't let it go at 'that'.

So I did what I've been wont to do of late: (a) re-write the scam letter and (b) send it back to both the scammers what sent it, and a selection of other recent scammers who have come to really REALLY dislike hearin' from me. Especially when, after they apparently blocked my one email address, I opened up another one to hit them from.

I really REALLY don't play well with others.

The following is the second re-write of the Coca Cola/Canadian Lottery-Coca Cola Zero Promotion scam letter, that I sent to all involved; the first one I wrote was...uh...a bit more unfit for mixed company ;-) Toned down, I thought Coca Cola might just print and frame it*.

To the re-write:

From: Mrs. Rosemary Butthead

Coca-Cola zero Canada Lottery/Lotto Crap Promotional Draw


The Coca-cola Company would like to have sponsored this lottery for the promotion of the new Coca-cola zero sugar in conjunction with Canada Lottery. The key operative term here is "would like to have". But they didn't. Why? More on that in a mo'.

MEANTIME, on with the We happily announce to you that we have selected YOU to be screwed, blued, and tattooed, by our totally 100% fraudulent Special Global Promotional 'Pin The Mugu Label On The Doofus Who Replies' Draw, held on the Saturday 18th March 2011 in Essex United Kingdumb and Ontario Conninya. Your email address -- mined from numerous locations favored by goat-poking, scum-sucking email scammers of dubious antecedence and lacking in working knowledge of toilet paper -- was cut and pasted to Ticket Number (a bunch of letters and numbers) with Serial Number (more of the same sh**). That means snail dork, but when we throw in the winning numbers (six random numbers) with a bonus number 40 for Lotto Max under the choice of the lottery in the second category of bi-weekly, it means 'BS' in any language, but hopefully not one you are fluent in.

You have therefore been duped into believing we have approved you to claim a total sum of US $$128,764.50 in cash credited to file (more numbers and letters, meaning weasel piss) It is actually worth a discarded Taco Bell Burrito Supreme wrapper that one of us used as kleenex, but we digress.

This is from a totally made-up cash prize of US$ 514, 856 dollars, shared amongst the first four stupid people who responded to our completely BS email. Please note that your lucky winning number is totally bogus, and that we'll collect from as many stupid winners, so much more. If you so choose to become one of the stupid, our Afro Booklet representative office in Africa will contact you to help you stay and enhance your stupid reaction to something you should have deleted in a nanosecond.

Please rest assured that this is sponsored by Coca Cola, though that would be news to them, and we'd rather they not get that news, until we've milked this for all it's worth.

Your portion of US $515, 856, is every bit as real as a platypus singing the poetic music of Sid Vicious, late of the Sex Pistols and ever'thang else, on Broadway (we hope you won't take a moment to figger that one out).

You are advised to keep your winnings confidential, until we complete screwing you over. This is part of our precautionary measure to avoid you telling someone who has one more working brain cell than you, and figures out what's going on here. You're free to figure out you've been screwed AFTER we fleece you, not before. So don't say sh** about this to anyone until we can pay* you. Your gullibility is our income.

To file for your claim, please contact our South African agent immediately, so that we may process your claim before you wake up and smell the wildebeest dung that permeates this whole email. Send your claims to either or addressed to Ken Walters, and tell him the following (the usual name, address, etc).

Congratulations once more from all the members and staff of this program that has ensured that you are led to believe that you won something more than title of Stupidest Person on the Face of the Earth.

Yours sincerery, but not rearry,

Mrs. Rosemary Butthead

Copyright ? 2011 The Xanga web &SA National Lottery Inc, an ever-changing subsidiary of 419 Email Scams International, via fly-infested internet cafes, UnLtd. Remember: if it's too good to be true, bewieve it's's twue! Your money isn't yours, wunst it's ours! All Rights a friggin' joke. Booga booga.

None of the scammer recipients bothered to reply with thanks or any other colorful metaphors they occasionally employ; but the originating scammer -- Mrs. Rosemary Butt, who's name I tweaked a tad -- did, once:

my name not butthead. this contest real you prize is disqualfied. expect legal acton for defame of caracter.

Alright!!!! Who wants to represent me? LOL...the silence is deafening...


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Blogger Jack K. said...

Gee, Skunkman, you must be devastated that they didn't respond. How could they be so callous to ignore you. However, you do have the joy of anticipating the form of the legal action for defamation of "caracter" suit. snerx.

08 April, 2011 04:46  
Blogger Skunkfeathers said...

Mebbe you can come out of retirement to hear the case, eh?

08 April, 2011 07:34  
Blogger Right Truth said...

Did you notify the Coke company? Let them know of the scam and how you handled it? They might want to hire you, ha.

Right Truth

08 April, 2011 08:38  
Blogger Unknown said...

They get no points for creativity?

08 April, 2011 09:37  
Blogger Shrinky said...

Skunk, please can I appoint you as my official channel to go through for all the spammers out to get me?

10 April, 2011 09:26  
Blogger Serena said...

Aw, looks like you hurt Mrs. Butthead's feelings. LOL!:)

10 April, 2011 18:53  

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