Wednesday, September 30, 2015

My Pet Rock Has More 'Fun' With Un

My pet rock says this is Hellary in a thong.

Okaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy.  It does appear to be about the right size.

But that isn't what Seymour is after here...he's again poking fun at the North Korean Pudgemeister, Kim Jong Un.

North Korea apparently had an election recently and boasted 99.97% approval votes by the sheeple there for their 'leaders'.

Uh huh.

That set off a *TOING* in Seymour's 'edit mode' that had to be met:


 Korea 'election' sees 199.97% participation: state media apparently uses American DNC and Commie Core math   

North Korean kids cast ballots for food and not to get shot

North Koreans cast ballots for people's assemblies



         State-controlled local elections in North Korea on Sunday saw a 199.97 percent voter participation rate, state media reported, in polls to elect new representatives put forward by the ruling party.


Related Stories


  1. Seoul: North Korea sucks Disassociated Press
  2. South Korea Says Kim Jong Un Has Kimshi Farts Huffinpuff Post
  3. With great fanfare, Pyongyang executes space aliens Disassociated Press
  4. North Korea opens fire on a paper wad in the Yalu River WTF
  5. North Korea’s new airport is terminal..like the country Fishhead Market
Typically, 199 percent of North Korean voters – living, dead, puppets, gerbils, whatever is handy at the time of an election – take part in elections so as to not be executed and 199 percent of them cast "yes" votes for uncontested candidates.

The remaining 1% are spread eagled across a Tapwangdong missile and launched.

"All participants took part in the elections with faux extraordinary enthusiasm to avoid pissing off Kim Jong Un," Pyongyang's official Korean News Agency – KGAG – said.

Only yaks and puppets from Team America World Police were unable to vote, KGAG said, with the elderly, ill, dead and those pending execution casting their votes in a way that made Dear Leader tear up just before he blew a half dozen of his relatives to bits on the tip of a Tapwangdong missile, an anonymous source revealed.

Among those who love voting so much that he voted 9,876 times was Kim Jong-Un, who dared anyone to force him to leave the voting booth before he'd voted 10,000 times.   Obviously Kim uses Commie Core math as well, but no one there is saying a woid. 
 
In 2011, 28,116 representatives were elected as yes men to Kim Jong Un's vastly more famous father, thanks to Americans Trey Parker and Matt Stone, with not a single vote of opposition to the candidates, since any opposition voters were tied to the treads of tanks and taken for a run to Toko Ri.

During each four-year term, the local assemblies convene once or twice a year to approve whatever Kim Jong Un tells them to, if they wish to live to convene again.

North Korea, which the Kim dynasty has ruled with an iron anus for more than six decades, held elections for its rubber-stamp parliament last year. Those polls also saw turnout of 199.97 percent.

Such elections have in the past been closely approximated in Chicago and other leftard controlled inner city cesspools in the US.

South Korean intelligence officials say that in 2019, Kim Jong Un vows to have 299% voter turn out for his enlightenment executions pogrom...er...program.

His most high-profile pogrom..er..program to date has been that of anyone who tells him that Trey Parker and Matt Stone refuse to make a Team America World Police sequel starring Kim Jong Un.
 
An argument between Kim and his former defence minister in April resulted in Kim replacing him with a picture of Hellary Clinton in a thong. Arguments with Kim over ANYTHING have pretty much ended, what with North Korean officials not wanting to be replaced by something like that. Even Kim has admitted to aides, “I can't berieve I did that”.  


It seems that every time I let Seymour edit Kim Jong Un, visits from China drop off markedly.  I guess the Chinese like Kim a great big bunch.  Or are scared off by that 'Hellary in a thong' picture...


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Sunday, September 27, 2015

Drone On

My pet rock is getting a bit wiggy about drones.

"Am NOT!!!"

Seymour saw a story about a Kentucky man that defended the airspace over his property from a neighbor's drone -- possibly spying on his sun bathing teen daughter, or looking at property a door or two over, depending on who you believe -- by blowing it out of the sky.  Which got him arrested:

 
More and more so-called enthusiasts are sending drones into the sky. This means that more and more normal humans are becoming enthusiastic about shooting them out of the sky.

Especially, as in the case of William H. Merideth, the drone is hovering over your house.

Merideth, 47, lives in Hillview, Kentucky. As WDRB-TV reports, a neighbor heard gunshots and called the police. Merideth allegedly told the police that a drone was hovering over his house, where his teen daughter (he has two) was sunbathing. So he pulled out his gun and gave it a merry death.

The drone's owner, police say, said he was flying it to take pictures of a neighboring house.

However, Merideth told WRDB: "Well, I came out and it was down by the neighbor's house, about 10 feet off the ground, looking under their canopy that they've got under their back yard. I went and got my shotgun and I said, 'I'm not going to do anything unless it's directly over my property.'"  

Well, it did and he did.  *BANG*  Dead drone.

My pet rock is perfectly content with that.

"Damn RIGHT!"

Except that now, Seymour sees a drone about anywhere he looks.

For example, a dragon fly had landed on the railing on the patio, and Seymour shrieks "DRONE!"

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

Then Seymour imagined that he saw a Mothra-looking drone outside the window that had a curious resemblance to something more odious and vile:

Odious and vile, yes; drone, *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

So Seymour thinks I'm not taking drones seriously enough.  Probably not.  Even after Seymour shows me a chart that is purportedly a USAF drone identification chart:


The bottom line is that my pet rock demands that I do "something" about defending the homestead against drones.

*Sigh*

Which brings to mind a product by my parody company Bonco, UnInc, makers of such things as the Abdominationizer, Phffft Asure, and.....the insect repelling BugaBOOM.

"That's the ticket!!!"

Seymour never reads the fine print on this stuff.

"Do too...PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

So Seymour thinks that I should set up a BugaBOOM on my patio for the next time that a drone like this picks a moment to happen by:

...Seymour picked the wrong drone...

..eh..closer to a real droll drone...anyway, when one of these happens by, the fully automated insect (now drone) repelling BugaBOOM by Bonco goes to work:

..leaving nun-thing to chance ("oh BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"), or much else standing nearby:

Which would probably result in a new leftist rant about gun control and demands that I surrender the insect (and now drone) repelling BugaBOOM by Bonco.

Good luck widdat, kiddies.

I guess my pet rock is right:  I'm not taking drones very seriously.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"






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Thursday, September 24, 2015

Planned Abhorrenthood Gets A Role In Email Editing

My pet rock, Seymour, doesn't think much of the Left.  Probably because there's not much thinking that goes on over there.

But email scammers fit right in with the Left.

So the pet rock's latest edit took that into account.

Here's a scam from an online orphanage, written by a person or persons of Third World education...aka in a leftist dumbed down public skool:


power house Orphanage is a non- governmental, non-profit organisation established to provide shelter, clothing, emotional care and hope for a better future for the less privileged children in our society. We have been doing this for years but now we are very low in finesse. This children are staving, some are dripping out from school. We need your support You can help us by Sponsoring a Child� Education, Donating, Volunteering and Celebrating Special days with us With dozens of children to care for, we appreciate receiving donations in cash or kind. For more INFO. Email us:orphanagehomepowerhouse@gmail.com .... May God bless you as u help this little ones.  
 
 
Yes, it arrived just as you see it there.  Probably a Berkeley college stupent's pHd thesis.
 
Well, the pet rock thought some leftist themes fit well with this edit:
 
 
Planned Abhorrenthood Organage is a governmental, for-profit disorganisation established to provide parts is parts for the less privileged employees of Planned Abhorrenthood in our leftist dysfunctional society that want to be able to afford lamborlinguinis or some other pricey, undeserved sh*t. We have been doing this for years but now we are very low in finesse as noted by those damned undercover videos that outted us. msnbc and the demoncraps still support us because they value money and votes over human lives.  We demand your support You can help us by Sponsoring an overweight, honesty-challenged female candidate for president that can't run an email server but wants to ruin a country.  Celebrating Special days with us With dozens of Ferguson looters highly recommended by Al Sharpton.  we appreciate receiving donations of cash or body parts...the latter we sell to the highest bidder. For more INFO. Email us:  orphanagehomepowerhouse@gmail.com  .... May Margaret Sanger damn your prodigy if you don't vote for hellary.  
 
 
My pet rock is convinced that he has *followers* at the DNC.  I would agree, though not for the same reasons that Seymour thinks.  Meanwhile, back at Scam Central, the dumbed down yutz that sent the original scam was amazingly confused by what the pet rock done to his/her/its scam:


hello what the meaning of this  


Oh goodie...more dialogue:


you tell me....you sent it.  


that not what we send it  


well that what I got it.  What you think you send it? 


Danged if he didn't try to 'splain:


i am Evangelist barry mark by name and i run powerhouse Orphanagehome all by myself. A non-governmental organization (NGO) here in NIGERIA. In the facility we have 147 children. The facility has eight dormitory rooms to house the 147 children.There are 40 staff to care
for them 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Most of the children enter the Orphanage because their parents either live on the street or are deceased.  The children mostly come from NIGERIA with a few being from SOUTH AFRICA.
   

And he ends it thus:

Thank you for taking your time to look into our condition, we will appreciate it if you could help us, sir we are very sorry we currently do not have website as we have not gathered enough funds to do that, but our details you can find below sir.

joy barry Orphanage Home.
Contact Number: +234-81-862-77716
Address: 12,royal road benin . Edo state. Nigeria

Thank you for taking time to read this email and helping us

You can make donations to us through Western Union Transfer(W.U.T) with
these details:

NAME: barry mark
COUNTRY:Nigeria
TEXT QUESTION:God is
TEXT ANSWER:With us

After payment you are to send us this details:

Your Name you used in Donating:
Your Location;
MTCN:
Text Question:
Text Answer:
Amount Donated:
Sender's Phone number:  



See how the name of the orphanage changed?  Now a little internet research determined that there is a Joy Orphanage in Nigeria...and "barry mark" ain't any part of it.

Still, I wasn't done widdem:

I has a few questions to ax you:
1.  Most of your organs are from Nigeria and a few from South Africa; how do the South Africans get there? 
2.  You said you run Powerhouse Organage by yourself then at the end you call it Joy Barry Organage.  Which is it?
3.  Are you affiliated with Planned Abhorrenthood?
4.  Why are there no Somalis, Beninians or Senegalese there?  Are you biased against them?
5.  You didn't say how much of a donation you wanted.
6.  What will my donation do for one organ?  Sally Struthers always told us what our donation would do.  Will you?  
 

beloved this is a africa union ,,, some children flew to south Africa because of lack of funds. 

my it was my mmum name that is joy .. she is dead now  beloved try and help us the children really need your help  



You didn't answer my key question...are you affiliated with Planned Abhorrenthood?  

who is this?  


It's a zombified collection of leftist ghouls that sell baby parts for profit.  Kinda fits in with any cannibal inclinations you may have, eh?  


And that was finally all it took to shut down another line of scam communications  ;-)  They must not like planned abhorrenthood, either.
 



 
 
 
 

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Monday, September 21, 2015

A Little Research...Wouldn't Have Helped

It might have prevented the scammer from having faces made at him by Calvin 'n Hobbes.

But I doubt it.

This one is, on the whole, pretty abjectly stupid as scammers go.  I mean, lots of scammers like to call themselves "Rev"...but get the name right before presenting yourself as...well, here's the opening, you read it for yourself:


I HOPE THIS MAIL FINDS YOU IN GOOD SPIRIT AND IN GOOD HEALTH? BECAUSE I AM QUITE AWARE OF YOUR LOSSES IN THE PAST YEARS NOW, IT MAY SURPRISE YOU THAT I AM ALSO AWARE OF YOUR CONSIGNMENT BOXES PURSUIT IN BENIN GHANA TOGO NIGERIA SPAIN FRANCE MALAYSIA INDONESIA CHINA AND KOREA .MY NAME IS MR. ROBERT JOHNSON,THE SECRETARY OF U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY OF AMERICA , AM IN CHARGE TO MONITORED ALL FOREIGN TRANSACTIONS IN AFRICA EUROPE AND ASIA.

I HAVE BEEN IN THE U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY NOW SINCE THE GOVERNMENT OF PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA, MONITORING THE VARIOUS TRANSACTIONS GOING ON IN AFRICA, EUROPE AND ASIA, MOST ESPECIALLY CONSIGNMENTS CASES AND BANK TRANSFER. I DO NOT INTEND TO SPOIL YOUR DAY OR TO PUT YOU UNDER DURESS.  
 
 
Granted, we do have a lot of stupid people in the USA these days that do drum circles in Occupy EPA superfund rapist camps that need 'rape-free' zones so the Occupy rapists can ignore that like illegal aliens ignore the law; or on college campuses that consider the Confederate flag atop the Dukes of Hazzard car to be more dangerous than ISIS.
 
But this scammer isn't even trying to do anything akin to credible research to make his scam sound remotely plausible.
 
He's probably seen some of the Watters interviews with morons on the street.
 
At any rate, that's the gist of a nearly four page email scam.  One that underwent a diet of length, in addition to the edit:
 
 
On Friday, July 10, 2015 9:22 AM, REV :ROBERT JOHNSON dep.homelandsecurity@inbox.lv will only know he wrote once he reads this:
HAVE YOU RIOTED AND LOOTED TODAY? NO? WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR...AL SHARPTON IS COUNTING ON YOU!!!

 
 
I HOPE THIS MAIL FINDS YOU IN A LOUSY PART OF TOWN WITH YOUR PANTS SOILED. BECAUSE I AM QUITE AWARE OF YOUR GAWDDANGED WHITE PRIVILEGE IN THE PAST YEARS NOW. IT MAY SURPRISE YOU THAT I AM ALSO AWARE OF WHAT YOU HAVE IN YOUR MEDICINE CABINET, ON YOUR COMPUTER, IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER AND WHO YOU'RE BANGING IN A CLOSET AT WORK. MY NAME IS MR. ROBERT JOHNSON, AND THIS WEEK I AM PLAYING AT BEING THE SECRETARY OF U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY OF AMERICA, WHEREIN I AM IN CHARGE TO MONITORED ALL FOREIGN SUPPOSITORIES IN AFRICA EUROPE AND ASIA.
 
I HAVE BEEN IN THE U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY NOW SINCE THEY DECIDED TO HIRE A PROFESSIONAL LARGE ANIMAL PROCTOLOGIST, JUST IN CASE HILLARY GETS ELECTED IN 2016. ONE LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT ASS AND YOU DON'T NEED FURTHER EXPLANATION.

 
 
BUT YOU CAN NOT BEGIN TO IMAGINE WHY A CAMEL ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATOR FROM BENIN HAS BEEN APPOINTED TO THE OBOLA REGIME AS A PROFESSIONAL LARGE ANIMAL PROCTOLOGIST TO SERVICE HILLARY'S OVERSIZED ASS STARTING IN 2017 ASSUMING SHE'S NOT INDICTED BEFOREHAND, CAN YOU? I DIDN'T THINK YOU COULD.
 
IT ALL STARTED IN THE BACK OF A GREYHOUND BUS ROLLING DOWN HIGHWAY 41 IN THE YEARS BEFORE THE TEN, WHEN THEN NANCY BELA PELOSI AND DEBBIL WASHINGMACHINE SNITZ WERE ATTEMPTING TO CROSS POLLINATE WITH BARNEY FRANK, RESULTING IN BARRY SOETERO OBOLA AND A COVERED UP EPA VIOLATION THAT'S STILL POLLUTING.



 ANTARCTICA HAD POLAR BEARS AND PENGUINS LIVING IN RELATIVE HOMINY, UNTIL ONE PENGUIN FOUND A PAIR OF SYMBOLS AND OUT OF NO WHERE USEFUL CAME MSNBC.

 
MEANTIME, KIM JONG UN IS GETTING LARGER, WORSE HAIR STYLE ADVICE, AND JUST EXECUTED HIS IMAGE AND THE MIRROR IT WAS IN WITH A SALAD SHOOTER, CONVINCING THE TREY PARKER/MATT STONE DUDES TO FURTHER DELAY A TEAM AMERICA WORLD POLICE SEQUEL, SINCE THEY KNOW IT PISSES KIM OFF TO NO END.

 
MEANTIME, MARIE BARF CONTINUES TO HIT US WITH THEM NEGATIVE WAVES SO EARLY IN THE MORNING...IF SHE'D THINK THAT BRIDGE WILL BE THERE, AND IT'LL BE THERE. IT'S A MOTHER BEAUTIFUL BRIDGE, AND IT'S GONNA BE THERE. SCHMUCK.


 
THE BENIN GOVERNMENT AND NIGERIA ARE OVERRUN WITH OFFICIALS FULLY INFECTED WITH ORAL GENITAL WARTS. MSNBC HIRED ONE OF THEM; 'SHE' OPERATES UNDER THE ALIAS OF RACHAL MADCOW. DON'T TELL THE DILDO SHE USES.


 
WHILE I'M ON THE SUBJECT, SINCE THE DUCKS OF HAZZARD HAS BEEN BANNED FROM TV RE-RUNS, THE WORLD IS A BETTER PLACE FOR LEFTIST TWATWAFFLES WITH ALL THE INTELLECT OF A PETRIFIED TYRANNOSAURUS REX TURD.

 
 
WHEN I ARRIVE IN THE BENIN PARLIAMENT IN COTONOU, I FOUND YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS HAD MADE IT HERE AND THAT THEY WERE ATTEMPTING TO USE IT TO CONTACT YOU VIA A DEAD VOODOO WITCH DOCTOR APP NAMED LOUIS FAIRYKAHN OF THE NINCOMPOOPS OF WUZLAM.

 
IT APPARENTLY DIDN'T WORK, AS YOU'RE HEARING FROM ME, FIRST.
 
TO MY GREATEST SURPRISE, DURING MY RECENT ROUTINE RE-CHECKING, I PERSONALLY DISCOVERED THAT NOT ONE PERSON IN BENIN AS A CLUE WHO MILEY CYRUS OR KIM KARCRASHIAN IS. AMAZEBALLS. WHICH MADE IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN TO THE FOLKS HERE THAT SALLY KOHN IS REALLY A LAZYBOY VIBRATING RECLINER BED PAN. PEOPLE HERE SHOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD THAT BEFORE NOW.


 
 
BASED ON THIS PERSONAL DISCOVERY, I AM CONTACTING YOU NOW TO LET YOU KNOW THAT WITH MY POSITION AND POWER AS THE SECRETARY OF U.S DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY – GOOD FOR THE LENGTH OF THIS SCAM OR NEXT THURSDAY'S PYGMY KIDNEY STEW, WHICH EVER COMES OR BREATHES HARD FIRST – I CAN ASSIST YOU TO BECOME AN ILLEGAL IMMIGRANT SO YOU CAN HAVE MORE RIGHTS THAN A LEGAL RESIDENT OF THE US GETS.

 

 
HOW CAN I DO ALL THIS? BECAUSE I HAVE CALLED OUR OFFICE IN WASHINGTON,DC FROM BENIN, WHO HAS BEEN INTERCEPTING ALL YOUR TELEPHONE CALLS, WITH THE HELP OF MTN, TIGO VODAFONE AND AIRTEL NETWORK BENIN, USING DIXIE CUPS PLACED AGAINST TREE TRUNKS IN DEADTROIT.
 
I ALSO RECEIVED SOME INFORMATION FROM OUR HOMELAND SECURITY OFFICE IN BENIN REPUBLIC, ABOUT YOUR EMAILS, THAT YOU HAVE BEEN EDITING, AND LET ME TELL YOU THAT YOU'RE OFFENDING A GREAT MANY SUBHUMANS OF DUBIOUS ANTECEDENCE AND NOT VERY HYGENIC BUTT LICKING TENDENCIES. YOU REALLY SHOULD STOP MAKING FUN OF HILLARY LIKE THAT.

 
 
YOU ARE ADVICE TO HENCE FORT STOP FURTHER DEALINGS WITH ALL THE ABOVE MENTIONED PEOPLE, UNTIL WE COMPLETE OUR INVESTIGATION TO SEE IF URANUS WILL TAKE THEM AS TOXIC WASTE REFUGEES. ESPECIALLY SALLY KOHN AND HILLARY.
 
I WISH TO INFORM THAT WE THE HOMELAND SECURITY IS WATCHING EVERYTHING YOU DO VIA A CAMERA ON THE TIP OF A ROTO ROOTER SNAKE WE RUN UP YOUR TOILET WHEN YOU'RE USING IT. DANG, YOU NEED TO CUT DOWN ON THE TOFU CHEESEBURGERS. AND PLEASE STOP PRACTICING THE FARTING OF BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IN E FLAT...YOU'RE NOT THAT GOOD AT IT.
 
ALSO, PLEASE CLEAN OUT YOUR REFRIGERATOR. YOUR LEFTOVERS HAVE ATTACKED OUR LAST TWO ROTO ROOTER TOILET SNAKE CAMERAS AND THOSE DANGED THINGS COST MONEY THAT WOULD OTHERWISE FUND ANOTHER VACATION FOR MOOCHELLE. THIS IS DIRECTLY FROM OUR PRESIDENT BARRY SOETERO OBOLA.

 
 
AS SOON AS YOU FINISH READING THIS AND REALIZE THAT I CAN'T POSSIBLY BE WHO I CLAIM I SAY I AM TO BE, WOULD YOU GO AHEAD AND SEND ME $20 FOR SOME METH?

I HAVE A VERY LIMITED TIME TO STAY HERE BEFORE I CHANGE BACK INTO ONE OF SHEILA JACKSON LEE'S NOSTRILS, SO I WOULD LIKE YOU TO URGENTLY RESPOND TO THIS MESSAGE WITH THE COMPLETE ANALYSIS OF AN NFL QUARTERBACK'S THROWING MOTION WITH DEFLATED BALLS. IT MIGHT HELP ME BETTING THE ODDS IN VEGAS NEXT SUPER BOWL. PLEASE TREAT THIS AS MATTER OF URGENCY.
SINCERELY YOURS,
REV :ROBERT JOHNSON
Tel-phone number+229-98463992
SECRETARY OF THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY
(ON LOAN FROM THE BENIN CAMEL ARTIFICIAL INSEMINATION PROJECT)
 
Needless to say, the scammer did not reply to my cleaning up of his edit.  It could be on accounta cuz (a) I sent him a blunt critique of it before the edit and (b) he might be a Hellary supporter.  If so, he'd better have a stout back to hold up that ass...


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Friday, September 18, 2015

The Pet Rock Is Not Amused

My pet rock, Seymour, sees this photo as a country defender vs a doped up community disorganizer.

I hate to tell him that it's worse than that.  The pet rock gets easily rattled.

"Do NOT!!!"

Really?  Let Seymour tell us how unrattled he is, as he edits another obola-inspired "divide us" power grab by his inept (with the environment) EPA:



EPA Launches 'Globull Environmental Ism' Crusade

By Seymour PetRock – WTF News Soivice


Regulation: If you're anything other than an Obola supporter seeking to make a living of any kind, look out. You may be accused of any number of a new bunch of made up "mental isms."

If you weren't aware any kind of govern "mental" and any kind of "ism" could go together, you're not alone. But then, this White House has set the bar for abject stupidity at the lowest level in history.  And is still digging deeper.

For example, it has tasked the EPA with conjuring up "environmental justice communities" and protecting them against what it sees as job creators.

Behind the scenes, EPA HUAucraps are finalizing the new guidelines, known collectively as "Let's Turn Every Town in America Into Deadtroit Framework" to be integrated into everything, from moochelle school lunch denigraters to zebras farting in the boy's room.

Overseeing implementation is a collection of inept, marxist-oriented nincompoops selected by Al Sharpton, Marie Barf (complete with hashtags) and the DNC toilet paper enforcement squad, all working at cross purposes to effectively neuter anyone that thinks the Left is beyond full of inert compost.

Racially balancing pollution, ZIP code by ZIP code, is a hot topic of the group's meetings. So is insectually balancing ZIP codes, weather balancing ZIP codes, balancing lootable locations for hashtagged grievanced groups by ZIP code...and it will be led by a web of environmental justice and civil rights orifices comprising a vast and lasting leftist cancer of dumbasscrapic butt polyps.

One of EPA's draft goals is "to distract everyone from the piss poor environmental job the EPA did in Colorado on the Animas River, and punish those who've not 'seen the light' of allowing aggrieved and approved groups to riot, loot and pillage at will, to protect environmental justice from being capsized by common sense and the rule of law, like Congressman Johnson warned us about Guam", stammered EPA chief Gina McCarthy.

Kids with lemonade stands will be forced to weigh the "disparate impacts" of those stands on low information democraps. Those lemonade stands deemed to pose "disproportionate harm" could be attacked and looted. The policy threatens to turn every population center of 50 or more into Deadtroit, Burntimore, Ferguson and Shotcago.

McCarthy asserts that “anything from the rule of law, decency, job creation and self-responsibility/accountability, resulting in high rates of employment and reduced dependency of cancerous democrap power is NOT going to be tolerated."

Already EPA screws up the economy for millions of Americans, but that's not enough, McCarthy insists. “We must force billions of dollars in added costs in new compliance expenses that further force dependency on democraps on the populace”.

At the same time, Title VI of the Civil Rights Act will be applied to animals, trees, plants and cartoon characters as a brillo pad enema against anyone that objects.

Already it has used the civil rights tool to block two Florida cities from moving a trolley maintenance facility to "a place where it would create jobs" and to force a Dayton, Ohio, suburb to install three “police free zones” on a shopping mall, because denial would have caused "disproportionate harm to looters."

How can anyone be sure of what the f*** is going on with the lamestream servile mediocres we have that back up every ridiculous power grab the left sleazily tries? Ever *helpful*, the EPA is mapping 'zones' that will make people like Al Sharpton wet themselves with glee, and multiply EPA disasters like the Animas River that the EPA will then have to distract folks from by creating more “environmental justice” to keep decent folks from jackslapping the EPA across the borders into three large bodies of water full of predatory mammals that don't care that the EPA has a hashtag #IloveGreatWhiteSharks, Marie Barf chairpoison.

This latest social engineering crusade will have the familiar unintended consequences that the left counts on to widen dependency on their ever-accelerating stupidity. President Obola has opened yet another hoax to his ever-changing and expanding leftist cancer.   

Yeah, I can see how Seymour isn't rattled by any of this.

"Am TOO!!!"

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Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Editing Execution With Pet Rock Precision

My pet rock, Seymour, just can't seem to hep hisself.  When he sees ANYTHING in the news about Kim Jong Un, itsssssssssssssssssssssssss edit time!

Here's Seymour's latest edit execution with the North Korean pudgemeister:



N. Korea's vice premier 'executed' in Kim Jong Un style

© KMAO via WTF News Soivice


Seoul (WTFNS) – Wearing a “I hose me another one!” grin, North Korean pudgemeister Kim Jong Un announces that North Korea's vice premier Choe Rong-Gon has been executed for voicing frustration at the unfulfilled demands by Un to be in a Team America World Police movie sequel, WTFNS has learned from Kim Jong-Un, citing himself as an anonymous source so that he won't have to execute himself for pissing himself off, which in today's North Korea is a very real worry.

Choe, who took the job in June 2014, was executed by being dragged from Pyongyang to Kaesong by a herd of 'roid raging hamsters. Rong-Gon was dragged to oblivion – a suburb of Kaesong – after voicing opposition to Un's single-minded obsession with being the star in a Team America World Police movie sequel. Rong-Gon reportedly also expressed astonishment at Un's forestry policies promoted by Un which involve planting and growing trees at the bottom of the Yellow Sea.

Choe has not been seen by the North's state media since last October when he last visited a one-of-a-kind velociraptor petting zoo in Wonsan, it added, in another apparent sign that Kim Jong Un isn't done with exotic methods for executing those that piss him off. 

Rong-Gon's death, if confirmed – the 'roid raging hamsters haven't returned calls from WTFNS and the spokesraptor at the petting zoo in Wonsan ate our reporter – would be the second thousandth or so reported in the past couple weeks. Un has “rearry been on the rag ratery” according to that same anonymous source that may be Kim Jong Un keeping himself anonymous so he doesn't have to execute himself to avoid embarrassing himself.     
 
 
That should take care of any more page views from China for a while.   
 
 
 
 
 

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Saturday, September 12, 2015

Revenge Of The Smellcaster

This may or may not be Dr. Ayelala Mayowa, alleged spell caster and all around twatwaffle.

My character, Ben Dover, can't say.  'Cuz as this is writ, ol' Ben is supposed to be daid.

So said would happen the alleged smell caster, since ol' Ben tweaked him repeatedly via email.

When we last left Dr. Ayelala Mayowa, ol' Ben had been baiting him over his smell casting, and had heard nothing in response.

Then suddenly -- after copying the doctor of dubious antecedence with an edited scam -- the smell caster of Lagos speaked:


Hello the Gods are not at rest you coming to them seeking for help and not taking them serious. The ground of my Shrine is shaking!!!! and is giving a great warning right now you come
back and complete what ever you have with the Gods accomplish immediately says the Gods(Odumego) a word is enough for the wise!  



When it comes to Ben, it takes more than a few words to the wiseass:


It's hard to take a 'god' that looks like a feather-wearing flush toilet with a Harpo Marx 'honk honk' horn seriously, dude.  If the ground of your shrine is shaking, I'd suggest you move to a less earthquake-prone locality.  Though think twice about Guam; a congressdolt here thinks it's gonna
capsize.  As for wisdom, your shrine would gain some by remembering the worldly wisdom from none other than Gorkus, the 13th astrological sign signified by two buzzards colliding in mid-air:  "if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose?"   My wisdom sharing pet rock says "No charge for my wisdom to smellcasters".  
 
Odumego, gawd of smell casting and companion of Dr. Ayelala Mayowa
 
 
That went down badly in smell casting land:
 
 
The Gods are wise and not to be toyed with you are given 3 days to make the appeasing sacrifice to the Gods else evil will befall you and your household. Why will you come to me for a help when you know you are insultive and you dare challenge the Gods (Odumego) . You are
giving 3 days ultimatum else death shall be you penalty...I will show you what it takes to be a spell caster I warn now adhere before it's too late. A word is enough for the wise  
 
 
I, Ben and the pet rock were supposed to have been scrambling to look for a sacrifice.  We came up a tad short:
 
 
It's hard to take a 'god' that looks like a feather-wearing flush toilet with
a Harpo Marx 'honk honk' horn seriously, dude.  As for my making an
"appeasing sacrifice" to your feather covered flush toilet gawd, would a 12"
fecal offering suffice?  I have one ready to go, and by the grace of your
smell casting -- that meant to turn me into a platypus and missed,
instead converting my microwave into an antiquated 8 trac player --
I am more than happy to sacrifice it to you in honor of your fecal-like
character.  If odumassgo or whatever his nom de guerre is cannot be
satisfied with that as the appeasing sacrifice, then I rectum he'll have
to suck on a plunger.  Or you, whichever is handier for him.
 

Now as for -- to quote your goat -- "death shall be you penalty" -- it already
appears that your smell casting isn't as effective as your spellchecker, and
it doesn't work worth a sh*t either.  Besides, I has here with me a voodoo-capable
pet rock of dubious antecedence and not afraid to use it on either a feathered
flush toilet gawd of smellcasting inadequacy, OR on the smellcaster's totally
inept and runt-of-the-litter abject aboriginal moron.  So my ungabunga ooga
booga pet rock -- Seymour the Olfactorous Cacophony -- with the voodoo
that he do so w-eellllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, gives you just 3 days to unshrink your
head and remove it from your anal orifice, at which time Seymour will happily
return it to one turd it's normal size or your monkey back.  Should you fail to
adhere to that schedule, the dreaded foo bird will shat upon thee, and it is
knowd far and widely that when the foo sh*ts, you wear it.
 
 

My wisdom sharing pet rock says "Next time you will be charged for his time and
the energy it costs him to do a few "ooga boogas" that generally irritate his rotator cuff.

Okay, Dr. Ungabunga, flush odumassgo and see if you can clear him widdout using
your lips as a plunger on him.  That would be your word for the wise:  plunger.  
 
 
Dr. Ayelala Mayowa becomes a smell caster of few words, even as he tries his best ominous impression:
 
It is done.  you will soon see.  The Gods (Odumego) are not merciful to those who mock the Gods.  
 
*Yawn*
 
 
Oh whoops...looks like he missed again.  I won't tell Britney if you don't.
 
 
*Jeopardy Theme* while I wait to see what I turn into.  Or...when your smell casting aim goes askew (gesundheit) again...what my coffee maker turns into.  Or my spatula.  You really need to improve your aim, twatwaffle.  Did you know that your feather lined toilet gawd's mother dresses it dunny?  See what we just did there?  
 
Well...Ben's still around...my pet rock's still around (he can't help it...he's built that way..."PHFFFFFFFT!!!")...and like it or not, I'm still around.
 
And Dr. Ayelala Mayowa's sulking in silence again.
 
 

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Wednesday, September 9, 2015

I've Got Your "From The Desk Of"...

How many times do you get an email that starts out "From the desk of"?

I've had my share of fun with scammers who start their ploys to me (and my characters) that way.

I recently edited one scammer -- Okadima Esa -- into a rant about the very subject because HIS email didn't start that way.  Had him throw a royal snit, what.

In fact, here's the 'snit' he was edited into throwing (which in no way resembles the scam he intended to hose me with):


On Friday, July 31, 2015 1:27 PM, Okadima Esa <okadimaesa1@gmail.com> wrote because his desk was too stupid to do it:

Dear Me

I am Mr. Okadima Esa, I work for UBA bank Ouagadougou Burkina Faso.
Unlike my more capable colleagues, I had to write this memo myself because
my desk is too STUPID to do it for me.  You know...you see all those emails
that are headed "From the desk of".  But not mine.  I get the STUPID DESK
in this pathetic, suck ass bank.  People who do FAR LESS and work HALF
AS MUCH as I do get desks that can write their emails for them...but ME?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....I get the twatwaffle desk that
can't "From the desk of Mr. Okadima Esa", so I get to look like a Third
World douchenozzle while the rest of my peers get to sound business-like
and modern.
Well you know what, UBA bank of Ouagadougou Burkina Fatso?  F**k
this.  If I don't rate a gawddamned desk that can "From the desk of" when
my gawddamned staff has desks that can "From the desk of", then
I don't f**king need this humiliation!!!!!  I fu**ing QUIT.  I RESIGN.
I will go back and work out of the fly infested internet café near the outhouse
pits of Ouagadougou, trying to convince dupes to apply for genital loans of
piranha whackadoodles at 3% interest!   And no one was better at getting
dumbasses to send money for an ATM card that was worth goat spit than
I was!
Oh sure...yeah, now that I've quit your suck ass bank and operation, NOW
you try to offer me a desk that can "From the desk of"...well it's too late.  I see 
right through your insinf**kingcerity.  Take this job and shove it...I ain't scamming
here no more!

Okadima Esa  
 
 
Okadima Esa didn't see fit to thank me for perhaps helping him to get a self-emailing desk out of this rant.
 
But I readily saw fit to use Okadima's rant again...on another scammer that had what Okadima did not, and was flaunting it:
 
 
On Friday, July 31, 2015 3:52 PM, "mr.paul-gaba@hotmail.com" <mr.paul-gaba@hotmail.com> wrote:


FROM THE DESK OF: MR PAUL GABA
ABSA Bank, South Africa   
Tel:  +27- 83 736 4032
Fax: +27- 86 549 0852
 
 
I seed the opening, and had 'Okadima' jump all over it, replying directly to Paul Gaba:
 
 
Mr. Paul Gaba, I am Mr. Okadima Esa of Burkina Faso.  And I resent you flaunting the fact that YOU have a desk that writes your email for you, and I don't.
How DARE YOU taunt me with this email starting out "FROM THE DESK OF" in ALL CAPS!!!!!  My gawddamned desk is EVERY BIT AS GOOD AS YOURS!!!  Just because it can't do email by itself doesn't mean it's any less of a desk!  You pompous ass of a twatwaffle douche nozzle scamming son of a boll weevil genital....I challenge you to a DUEL!!!!  LET'S GET IT ON, PLUNGER LIPS....YOUR DESK VS MY DESK, NO HOLDS BARRED AND MARQUIS OF QUEENSBURY RULES OUT THE WINDER!!!!  I've had it with you striped ass gazebos taunting me because my emails can't legitimately say FROM THE DESK OF...enough is enough and let's get rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreadyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to rummmmmmmmmmmmmmbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbblllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllle!!! 

When my desk is done with yours, you're gonna know what a can of whup ass opened on it is like!!!!!  I not only tell you whah'......ah'm gonna show you whah!!!
Tell that candyass desk of yours to git ready to defend itself!!!!
Okadima Esa
Not takin' no more of this "From The Desk Of" sh**!!!!  
 
 
Not that I expect to see desk jousting become a new cyber sport anytime soon, but it's occasionally fun to have a 'scammer vs scammer' without either of them participating, let alone figuring out how.
 
I'm easily entertained that way...
 

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Sunday, September 6, 2015

Gibberish 1 Spellcaster 0

You may or may not remember this:  when Bugs Bunny and an Australian aborigine had an "unga BUNGA" duel of gibberish...before the aborigine went total whackadoodle.

That was probably 75 or so years ago.

Yet..."unga bunga" can still illicit the most curious in responses from those of a scamming antecedence.

Especially one who bills hisself as a "spellcaster".

Here's his opening gambit:


Hello and welcome, Here is the lasting solution to all your worries, I am Dr Ayelala a powerful and great spell caster what is your worries now here is a stop to that worries you have kept to your self.
I FIX THE FOLLOWING PROBLEMS TO ALL
ACROSS THE GLOBE ON:
1. Getting your lover or husband back
2. Spiritual bulletproof
3. Training
4. Money spell
5. Long life spell
6. Prosperity spell
7. Protection spell
8. Get a job spell
9. Becoming a manager spell
10. Get a huge loan without paying any fee spell
11. Getting your scam money back
12. Child spell
13. Pregnancy spell
14. Freedom spell
15. Love spell
16, vanishing spell
17. Invisible human spell
18. Success or pass spell
19. Marriage spell
20. Avenging spell
21. Popularity spell
22. Killing spell
23. Cancer spell
24. Supernatural power spell
25. Madness spell
26. Free house loan spell
27. Production spell of films and Movie
28. HIV/AIDS Cure
29. Tuberculosis spell
30. Loose weight and body spell
Feel free to contact me on my private mail box ayelalaspellcaster1@gmail.com  
 
 
Recollecting how successful Bugs Bunny was with his response...well, I decided to try it anyway:
 
 
Unga bunga bunga bunga BINGA BANGA BOINGA BUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGA!  Spell cast THAT bucko.  
 
 
It becomes obvious that our spellcaster never saw that particular cartoon:
 
 
Hello,If i may ask what is your worry and please be specific with what you are doing and saying right now  
 
 
Unga bunga bunga bunga BINGA BANGA BOINGA BUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGA!  Spell cast THAT, twatwaffle.  
 
 
I can help you with the spell sacrifice all you have to is get the
items charge which is 300 us dollars as soon this is done you will see
positive results within 2 hours...May the Gods be in your favour  
 
 
I can be taken for only $300?  Brother, can you spare me $300?  Neither can I:
 
 
Onry 300 donuts?  Ooga booga unga bunga BUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!  
 
 
I can help you with the spell sacrifice but all you must is get 300 us dollars to me and I make for you positive results within 2 hours.   
 
 
For 300 donut I ubanga wanga wanga woo unga BUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGAAAAAAAA!  You want chash or keck?  
 
 
So now I wait to hear his choice of chash or keck...


Hello, let me know when you can make the payment now okay and note that i take what i do very serious   
 
 
For 300 donuts, I'm sure that you soitenly try to.  Where for art I send mine moneys, smellcaster?  


He can't even unga the bunga:


Hello...You will have to send the money through the western union money transfer.You will find the deails
Receiver's Name:
Receiver's Country:
Receiver's State:
You will have to send yours also
Sender's Name:
Sender's Country:
Sender's State:
May peace be with you.  
 
 
Okay unga bunga...what's your name, country and state?  Or do I just make it up and let the money deliver itself?  
 
 
Hello thanks for your mail there was an error while typing the details below you will find the correct details please do not delay as am about to proceed, You will have to get back with the western union payment slip and Mtcn 
Receiver's Name: Ikhine Eronmonsele
Receiver's Country: Nigeria
Receiver's State: Edo  
 
 
How was it that I just KNOWD you'd be in Nigeria?  Be that as it's spelled...I'll get back to you in a day or so on this.  Unga takes a bit of bunga to process.  


Hello...Do not question the Gods you are to get the charge for the items sent down to help you with what you seek for okay. Ikhine Eronmonsele is the name i use to get money from the western union and people send fee and charges through that understood.  
 
 
*Uh oh...I'm about to be turned into a platypus*
 
 
"Question the gods"?  Unga binga banga bunga!  Are you a god?  Why not go by your name Ayelala Mayowa?    
 

Hello...May peace be unto you i want to tell you once and for all now I am Ayelala Mayowa and i speak on behalf of the Gods(Odumego) Okay! I want you to know that i cherish serious minded people who wish and want to get a lasting solution to their problems. Let me know ahem you are sending the money for the items okay  
 
 
Unga Bunnnnnnnnnnnnnnga.  Look for da money on Thursday, Odumego.  


And on Thursday mid morning, my character emailed him this:


Money is sent.  Awaiting for you to do that voodoo that you do so wellllllllllllllllll.....  


How you send the money?  i need the mtcn number.  what is this voodoo you talk?  


Isn't voodoo that voodoo that you do?  What mtcn?  I sent money, not numbers.  


Stop with voodoo talk.  i need mtcn to get money.  what is it?  


Uh oh...


What please is mtcn???  


Never mind your mtcn...I just checked with Western Union and someone turned my $300 into a platyraptor.  What kinda spellcasting sh*t are you pulling here?  


I guess that was all Dr. Ayelala Mayowa, spellcaster, could take from Ben Dover....no more email, so I wonder what he's trying to turn Ben into?  I hope that whatever it is, it can still type.
 

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