Asked 'n Answered...Sorta

Sometimes, an online scammer isn't so much a scammer; he's just an online mooch.

Take for example George Kokou Brown of wherever he is.  Here is the very simple series of exchanges we've had over him wanting money from me:

On Wednesday, February 19, 2014 4:19 AM, George Brown Kokou
> <georgebrownkokou@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> I saw your post on guestbook, i decided to contact you Via your mail.
> I want to know if you will be of any assistant to me financially no
> matter how small it is. Thanks and remain blessed


Well, how small is it?  We can negotiate. 


Thanks for your mail. I will be pleading to ask you to assist me with
any amount from your heart. I am  a poor barrister with a very low
income. I have no any amount to ask you of because I never give you
money any money or given you your wealth. You will never go down, you
will always be blessed, you shall eat the fruit of your labour, and
your pocket shall never dry. Please no matter any help you can assist
me with I will really appreciate and will always remain greatful to
you. Thanks so much and kind gesture to me 


Fine, George.  What is it you wish my assistance with? 


I wish to know if you can send me some money here even thou is 200$ or
anything from your mind to help my family 


So what did I do?  I sent him two of the 'Seymour $100 bills' along with I can send you some money.  You'll find it attached. 

George doesn't necessarily get that he's not going to get real money, but he thinks an established dialogue is a start:

Dear Ben,
Please use this information below to send me money through western
unionif you are serious ok?

Receievers name; George Brown
Country ... Lome Togo 

I repeat my previous email with this added: I am serious, George.  Print the attached and you are better off.   BTW George, a job would be of equal if not more help to you. 

I dont understand what you mean.  if I print this I get arrested? 

Oh hell, the North Koreans do it all the time and no one arrests them except their own leader.  Their a Third World country.  You're a Third World country.  It all works the same.  

I don't understand what you mean. 

He doesn't understand much...

That's okay, George. I've had three concussions and don't understand what I mean half the time either.  What were we discussing? 

I am asking to know if you can help me with any amount of money so i
can help my family out 

Sure.  What kind of money?  

Thanks for your mail , if you canhelpme with a 500$ or less will appreciate


What currency do you wish? 


What is this you ask please? 


Truly Third World...what KIND of money do you want?  West African francs?  Saddam Hussein era Iraqi dinars?  Monopoly money? 


usa dollar is fine.


So I send him a 'usa dollar' in email...


please I tell you how send me money western union.  I tell you again it is
reeievers name; George Kokou
Country ... Lome Togo


Okay, so he's changing his name around...let's dig for more:


George, what kind of a bannister are you?  What kind of law do you practice poorly? 


are you send me money please?  any amount please. 


Answer my question please and we'll see. 


please just send me money in dollar, pound or euros.  this is all I ask. 


Okay, I get that euro prefer pounds of dollars.  I'll get on that for you.  


 God will forever bless your pocket of wanting to help me out. 


My pocket could have used His blessing at tax time, but I digress.  BTW...that's an acronym for 'by the way'...just for the record, what kind of bannister are you again?  Inquiring minds want to know. 


Thanks for your mail . I am a legal consultant here in my country Lome
Togo. The salary been paid to me here as a barrister is a low income
that is not even enough to feed myself, my wife and my 6children. So
my good brother I will be greatful for you if you can help meas you
said.

This is my details information that you will use to send me any amount
you want from your mind through western union or money gram

Recievers Name.......George Brown
Country ...................... Lome Togo
Question................ Colour
Answer....................Blue
MTCN

So once you send the money, please scan the payment slip for me ok?

thanks
Regards,
george
+228 92865729 


Thanks for the explanation.  Now to work on that pounds of dollars.  And I'll be happy to forward you a Western Union receipt. 

...since I have a number of them in my scambaiting files  ;-)  Meantime, George shows his anticipation:

Today at 3:12 AM

Ok i will be waiting for the scan copy of the receipt of the money
once you send me. Thanks 

 

 

And here's the scan copy, in the size I sent it to him:

 

Which of course enlarged looks like digitized gibberish.  And George is quick to point this out:

 

 

I cant read copy you send.  Can you resend please?

 

 

Sure, I can resend.  Why can't you read it?

 

 

you send it too small for me. 

 

Funny...it left here the size of a standard Western Union receipt.  Must be the filters you're using there.  I'll send it again. 

 

And of course it's the same size:

 

I still cant read it.  just tell me the information on it please.

 

It's a Western Union receipt for $499 dollars sent to you from me. 

 

I need the mtcn numbers on it. 

 

Yes, they're on it. 

 

what are the numbers please?  I cant read them. 

 

They're the standard numbers consisting of 0-9.  You can't read those? 

 

the numbers on the paper you send me I cant read.  Please what are they? 

 

They're the numbers 0-9 on the receipt, just as you told me to send you.  Would you prefer Roman numerals?

 

I dont know what you mean...please send me the numbers. 

 

 

Well, Roman numerals are like this:  I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X...do those help you?

 

no no dont send me the letters you send send me the numbers. 

 

 

Oh, okay...0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9. 

 

 

is those the numbers of the mtcn? 

 

 

I don't know about that, but the numbers on the receipt look like the ones I sent you.

 

A day later, I get this:

 

 

please this is no joke matter.  I go to western union they say there is not money on those numbers.  what is numbers please?  

 

 

It's the numbers I send you.  There are lots of combinations that can be made with the numbers -- an infinite number, to be exact -- but there are only ten of them in the mtcn.  You have them all.  

 

PLEASE TELL ME WHICH NUMBERS ARE THE MTCN???  (the old 'capital letters means he's pissed' ploy).

 

No need to shout.  The mtcn has all the numbers I gave you.  Well, it uses ten numbers individually, and any number of combinations from the numbers I sent you can make it up.  Are you familiar with the Rubix Cube? 

 

 

what is this you say?  I need the numbers please.  just the numbers on the mtcn.  

 

 

Well, since you ask...a Rubix Cube is a square with individual squares of a number of different colors.  By manually moving the blocks around the axis of the cube, you make all the same colors on the same side of each side.  When you do that, you have solved the Rubix Cube.  The mtcn can be imagined in a similar way:  you use the ten numbers I sent you, and you keep trying them in all sorts of order, until you find the matching one for the mtcn.  I thought that you should have to work for your money, which is what I suggested before.  Now you can.  I'm sure Western Union will be patient with you.

 

 

A couple days go by, and finally I get this from George:

 

 

god will not bless joke.  I curse you and the cube you make joke with.   

 

 

Have it your way, George, but you contacted me, remember?  I was just trying to help in my own peculiar way.  Let me know when you've solved the puzzle and collected the money.  Consider it like hunting Easter eggs, with an infinite field that they're hid in. 

 

 

I don't expect to be hearing that George Brown Kokou solved the puzzle anytime in the next century or so.  But it's a momentary amusement to think that he might be sitting in the WU office there, trying  ;-)

Fah Down Go Boom

*NOTE:  this is being written before the Sweet 16 match up to pare down to the Elite 8*

As I've stated before in this blog, me and basketball are not remotely synonymous.

Even if I occasionally dribble.

I never took to the sport.  I was never good when I had to or even thought to attempt the sport.  In a simple game of 'Horse', I could never win a letter, let alone buy a vowel.  One foolish effort to impress a basketball-loving woman I was dating in college had me join an intramural basketball league.  As a member of the worst team therein.

Besides embarrassing ourselves, it didn't work for me personally with her.

I don't watch it.  I don't follow it.  For all I know, William & Mary didn't have a team 'cuz they were arguing about the toilet seat up or down all season.

So in keeping with being my occasionally non sequitur self, I fill out a March Madness bracket every year these past four.  I seem intent on proving to the world my cluelessness on the subject.  The past three, I have done that most conclusively.

At least this year, I'm not alone  ;-)

I entered that Quicken Billion Dollar challenge.  Not with any notion of winning...me pick a perfect bracket?  *long stretch of LMAO followed by necessary oxygen to recover*

I just didn't expect my bracket to implode so rapidly.  Starting with the very first game.

My stats up  to now:  I have 30 correct picks out of 48 so far.  As I gaze upon an overview of my total brackets, all but one look like silk curtains in the House of Cats.  The one that is amazingly intact, I have a feeling I picked the wrong winner on that one (which is probably proven by the time this posts; I picked Louisville over Kentucky), and it doesn't matter, 'cuz the team I picked to emerge triumphant from that particular bracket went phffffffffft already.

Despite all that, 3 of my Final Four picks are still in.

One of my Final Two is still there.

I still have a chance that I picked the ultimate winner.  Well...at least before the upcoming weekend, anyway.

So no billion dollars.  Not even a $100,000 chance, like there ever was one.

Worse, I will have to live with listening to my pet rock crow.  Seymour is 4 picks better than me at this point.  Who but a pet rock would have picked Mercer over Duke?

"Nyah nyah!"

At least he's no better in the Final Two:  Wichita State went phfffffffffffft.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

Seymour's even a sore winner.

"Am NOT!!!!"

It's All Rock 'n Roll With Music Added

Sometimes, gibberish really IS the best response.

Here's an email I got from; what would YOU do with this?

Good Day.

 

Please let me know if you were in receipt of my previous communique posted to you. This is regarding your partnership and assistance to help certify a piece of document in your area which conforms to the supposed care-taker to certain financial proceeds that requires an immediate claimant before appropriation process is established by the financial and securities firm.

Further information will be forwarded to you on receipt of your confirmation.

With Regards

Mr.Hamza Gokhan 

 

Honestly, this bozoid sent me nothing heretofore, five, six, or any other time.  But let's not disappoint him by failing to acknowledge; indeed, let's acknowledge by turning his email to gibberish:

 

 

Good Day.

 

Please let me know if you were in receipt of my previous communique posted to you. This is regarding your partnership and assistance to help certify that a piece of swampland in Florida, transported telekinetically to Detroit, Michigan, officially annointed in deer piss and then sanctified by a spit over the left shoulder of a low information zombie named Pelosi, is in fact the site of a future Walmart; OR, to be declared a protected class under the Obama-initiated Federal Endangered Feces Act, which is pretty much what protects everything coming out of the Obama regime to date. 

This pre-supposes that constipation is not the supreme act of anal retention, and a host of other subliminal requisites that are generally non sequitur if actually read, which is what most people don't do before signing onto something, since disclaimers are generally so lawyeresque and boring-ese to examine closely. 

And if you chose not to respond, a pox on all your flushing toilets.

More can be learned in an unremarkable piece of document in your area which conforms to nothing making much in the way of sense, but at 2700 pages in length, was writ by the same moron that wrote the ACA in Klingon, forcing a hefty translation fee before publication.  Therein one will find the usual disclaimesque-ees about stuff like post horkum tookum, ad hoc snortum, e pluribus advil, and decorkum injurious flatus, aka the supposed care-taker to certain financial proceeds that requires an immediate claimant before appropriation process is established by the financial and securities firm.

 

Further information will be forwarded to you on receipt of your confirmation.

 

With Regards

Mr.Hamza Gokhan

A Mongolian Cambodian fronting as a Muslim Atheist named Bob  

 

 

Ol' HamzaCheese then makes two mistakes:  (a) he read what I dun to his email, Ma, and (b) he responds with this:

 

what is the meaning brother?  

 

It is whatever you choose herein to interpret to be, up to an including a colostomy bag.  Most stores won't appreciate you bringing your colostomy bag to sack groceries, unless all you're buying is sh**.  Then it's okay.  Either way, it's all rock 'n roll with music added.

 

And that put an end to a 'brotherhood' that never was  ;-)

 

The Reply I Cannot Post

Yes, that's right:  I cannot post the reply I sent this email scammer.

Really.

Well, I probably could.

But some politically correct yutz would complain to Blogger.  And with the current regime in charge of trying to undermine the US Constitution, they'd probably have the post pulled.  Oh yes...Obozo would do that.

So I won't post the reply I  sent to this email scammer.

But I reckon you can imagine it, once you read their scam mail:

On Tuesday, March 18, 2014 7:11 PM, Sgt. Abdul Kalam <abdul.kalam8@live.com> wrote:

Dear friend.

Please forgive me if i break into your privacy as it was done out of my desire to locate a trusted person who can guarantee me the trust need in this transaction.

Before I proceed, I want to Introduce myself. I am SGT. Abdul Kalam an American soldier, serving in the military with the army 3rd infantry division in Iraq but currently redeployed to Afghanistan. With a very desperate need for assistance, I have summed up courage to contact you as i hope you will be human enough not to betray me.

 I am seeking your kind assistance to move the sum of eight million United States dollars to you as far as I can be assured that my share will be safe in your care since you are within presence of God until I complete my service here.

Some money in various currencies was discovered in barrels at a farmhouse near one of Saddam old palaces in Tikrit-Iraq during a rescue operation, and it was agreed by staff sgt Kenneth Buff and I that some part of this money be shared among both of us before informing anybody about it since both of us saw the money first.

This was quite an illegal thing to do, but I tell you what? No compensation can make up for the risk we have taken with our lives in this hell hole, of which my brother in-law was killed by a road side bomb last time. Http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/2988455.stm The above figure was given to me as my share, and to conceal this kind of money became a problem for me, so with the help of a British contact working here and his office enjoy some immunity, I was able to get the package out to a safe location entirely out of trouble spot. He does not know the real contents of the package, and believes that it belongs to a British/American medical doctor who also died in an early morning raid here in Iraq, and before giving up, trusted me to hand over the package to his family in united states.

I have now found a secured way of getting the package out of Iraq to you, for you to pick up, and I will discuss this with you when I am sure that you are willing to assist me, and I believe that my money will be well secured in your hand because you have fear of God. I want you to tell me how much you will take from this money for the assistance you will give to me. One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter with anybody, should you have reasons to reject this offer, please and please destroy this message as any leakage of this information will be too bad for us soldier here in Afghanistan.

I do not know how long we will remain here, especially now that The President Barrack Obama has notify the world of his interest in solving the crises in Syria and I have been shot, wounded and survived two suicide bomb attacks by the special grace of God, this and other reasons I will mention later has prompted me to reach out for help, I honestly want this matter to be resolved immediately.

YOURS FAITHFULLY
SGT. Abdul Kalam  

 

Oh, trust me:  I did reply immediately.

 

I just can't post the reply.  I reckon you know why  ;-)

O..M..G...

I realize that some of these douche nozzles don't read what you write back to them; they consider ANY response something for them to work with.

So I guess that when I get an email like this:


Dear Beneficiary
  How will you and your family we have been waiting for you, for
Your compensation contact did not respond, if you do not
are interested
in your fund, let us know, because of the delay, which is
it, to inform you that your fund valued (2,500,000.00 EUR)
Keystone Bank Of African was deposited today. For your convenience,
have an online transmission by 24 hours by e-banking in
to your local account.

With this method, you will be the movement of local funds online
track until your account is properly credits. Contact the bank,
to staff with the details on how you can get your money, so you can
They are the transmission of urgent start.

CONTACT: Dr_Usman Bello

EMAIL: bankphbmanager@yahoo.com

Below the details required by you so that we proceed further

Your full name:
Phone Number:
ZIP:
Street Name:
District / City:
Date of Birth:
County Name:
Name of bank:
Account Number:
IBAN number:
Monthly income:
Job Title:

We await the above details urgently
Regards

Director Freeman  

And I respond like this:


Mr. Usman Bello...isn't she the transsexual monkey f**ker from Burundi that I read about in the Lagos Times News?  

And I wind up with a response to my response like this:

yes get back too us now so that we can proceed further now ok 

You know that you're not only dealing with less than cream of the crop...you're dealing with the lowest of the low informationers.

Needless to say, you know all you need to know about these scammers.  If you called the Obozodoesn'tcare So-Called Help Line, you probably talked to one of them...

The Great Illumi-Nutties

Would you believe it?  This is post #900.

Which somehow makes the subject at hand curiously non sequitur...

Sometimes my pet rock, Seymour, gets all the fun.

Like when he got this email:

CONGRATULATION
Dear friend your email was selected among the ten lucky people giving the opportunity of becoming rich and popular by joining the great Illuminati network for more details please contact Mr Wesson Dan via email
(great_illuminati@qq.com) for more details join today and see all your dreams come true.

What else could Seymour do, but accept:

Sign me up!  

Little did Seymour know what it was he was being signed up for.  But in the next email...he wasn't much 'illuminati-ed':

Dear New Member

 If you are really intrestend in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by adivice to kindly fill out the illuminati candidate form attached to the mail.

There is significant agreement  about the Joining Illuminati in two key areas. It now seems vital to clarify these two points right up front so those affected do not waste their time or ours, and to help avoid hurt feelings and bitter reactions:

1. Rich and Famous:

The Illuminati does control the entertainment industry. If instant you need fame and free money you need make ritual sacrifice of any nature. make your dream come true by joining Illuminati today.

2. Religion:

 Ritual sacrifice is required to join. The Illuminati is a nonreligious organization in exactly the same way that governments should be nonreligious. This calls alone all the religious believers who need extra powers and forces to join Illuminati today to make things the way you may need it to be.

There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret knowledge. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery.

 

 RULES

* You must be above 18 years of age.

* You must have full access to the internet.

* You must not discuss the secret of the Illuminati to anyone.

* We are not interested in anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY.

* Once you join the Illuminati within one week of your membership you will achieved the greatest goal in life and also have wealth and fame.

*To any group as rich as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are nothing.

* The money ALWAYS flows TOWARDS Illuminati members...

And AWAY from NON Illuminati members...

One of the rules of the Illuminati is "We don't talk about the Illuminati" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested fill out the form.  

 

The 'form' they spoke of looks like this:

 

 

It would appear that there is now a 'Great Illuminati' chapter in Nigeria. 

Now, Seymour's pretty busy as pet rocks go.  So he asked me to "handle his light work".

I do have a smart ass for a pet rock.

"Am NOT!!!"

At any rate, I decided a wee bit of an edit to the acceptance letter from Illumi-Nutties was in order:

Dear New Member

 If you are really intrestend in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by adivice to kindly fill out the illuminati candidate form attached to the mail, after having douched it with Pabst Blue Ribbon Beer.

 

Don't ask us...it's just what they tell us to tell you to do.

One rule for a prospective new Great Illuminati:  you never question typos from our Master of Kahoona Yab Loobloo.  Worry not, this will be explain to you in good time once you are accepted as a new Great Illumnati.  In other words, until you are Great Illumnati, your explanation will be a great Illumi-not-yeti.

There is significant agreement  about the Joining Illuminati in two key areas. It now seems vital to clarify these two points right up front so those affected do not waste their time or ours, and to help avoid hurt feelings and bitter reactions:

1. Rich and Famous:

The Illuminati often gropes themselves and deludes that they does control the entertainment industry. If instant you need fame and free money you need make ritual sacrifice of any nature, then join Scientology and you can get screwed two times at once by them and us.  That make our dream come true by you thinking you're joining something that matters....ha.  'Tis for us to laugh.

2. Religion:

 Ritual sacrifice is required to join. Do you have a special pet to which you are closely attach?  To join us, you must do ritual sacrifice of this pet.  If not pet, a coveted toy, possession, genital...something that you must ritual sacrifice for the greater Illuminati to know that you are one with Oobligalla.  Yes, that's Oobligalla. 

Our disclaimer here which is to make not much sense but some to some and none to others is this:  the Illuminati is a nonreligious organization in exactly the same way that governments should be nonreligious in so far as not bowing to a deity that looks remotely like Hillary Clinton's ass. This calls alone all the religious believers who need extra powers and forces to join Illuminati today to make things the way you may need it to be in so far as how it wasn't or isn't, but could or couldn't once you have ritualed your sacrifice in such a manure as to have done that which is needed to do to make that which isn't now is.  This is, of course, hokum, but you don't know that until you join.

There are many Illuminated groups, with different kinds of secret knowledge, others with hair on their teeth and secret vaginas in their armpits. Anything you might say about them (including this) will be false for some of the Illuminati, but true for others, which only adds to the confusion and mystery of those with secret vaginas in their armpits.

 

 RULES For Prospective ILLUMINATI:

* You must be old enough to have sex with a kielbasa.

* You must have full access to the internet since we keep much of our porn here.

* You must not discuss the secret of the Illuminati unless someone asks what's making you act so f**ked up lately.

* We are interested in anyone who has obtained their knowledge about the Illuminati based on what they’ve HEARD from Mass Media (News or Performing Arts), Conspiracy Theorists (Amateur or Professional Authors or Speculators), Internet Rumors, or other HERESY.  Now, if you hear about us from Debbie Wasserman-Schultz, that might make you eligible for our special discounted ILLUMI-NUTZOID Special, which we discuss when you join.

* Once you join the Illuminati within one week of your membership you will achieved the greatest goal in life and also have wealth and fame along with genital warts and butt polyps several feet long.

*To any group as full of sh*t as the Illuminati, a few million dollars are enough to make us wet dream about sex with spider monkees.

* The jackwagon load of impropaganda and general horkus puckem ALWAYS flows TOWARDS Illuminati members...And AWAY from NON Illuminati members...which makes you wonder why you should join this collection of abject douche nozzles.

One of the rules of the Illuminati is "We don't talk about the Illuminati because we're so full of sh*t" so I can't say too much about it here. If you are truly interested fill out the form.

Best Regards,

Wesson Dan

a third less calories than Crisco  

 

Sometimes the scammers read the edit and figure out they've gone as far as they're gonna.  Apparently not these scammers:

Dear New Member

 If you are really interested in the revolution of man kind and will like to also stand as of the heroes who will join us to make this new world order that we are trying to make a reality come to pass. then you are here by advice to kindly fill out the Illuminati candidate form attached to the mail.  

 

So Seymour did:

 

Here's my requested information:

Full Name:  Seymour Petrock

Date of Birth:  1-1

Country:  currently USA

State:  Colorado

Phone:  303-***-****

Occupation:  Geologic

Money worth:  more than enough

Email Address: *************@yahoo.com

 

Seymour even went so far as to include his photo, as requested:

 

And what do you suppose Seymour got back in response?

 

congratulation your email address has just been screened by our board of directors and your email has been approved so in any moment from now you will be one of us. well you are to make contact with a woman called Mrs Laurie Campbell, she works as a express courier service tell her that mr wesson dan send you to her concerning your initiation matirials ok below are the details to get in tourch with  her.Attached to this message is my own illuminati membership id kindly dowload to take a propal look at it.

Dear new member,Congratulations the first phase of initiation process has been completed , the first meeting for new members to be fully initiated and acknowledge  by  the high and top members  of the GREAT ILLUMINATI will be held next seven(7) days in long beach California. that also the day you will be meeting the other nine that where also selected.

contact Mrs Laurie Campbell  at

Email: express_courierservice@outlook.com

for  your   membership items/ materials  including your rialacha(rule

and regulations), these items is a must for ILLUMINATI new members. we expect to see you at the initiation ceremony in the next seven (7)

days. Once again congratulations and remember you are to tell no one

about this.

kind regards 

 

And here's Alias Dan 'n Wesson's alleged photo:

 

So now Seymour follows up by contacting this Laurie Campbell...

And what does Seymour get BACK from Laurie Campbell?  *TOING*:


These secret materials have been securely sealed and packed for security reasons which makes it impossible for anyone to view it until its been delivered to you. Please select from the delivery Options below, for safe delivery of your package:

 

  

DHL (1 DAY DELIVERY)
Mailing:                   $500
Insurance:                $400.00
Handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $1050 USD

 

 

FEDEX (3 DAYS DELIVERY)
Mailing:                  $300.00
Insurance:               $250.00
handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $700 USD

 

 

UPS (7 DAYS DELIVERY)

Mailing:                   $150.00
Insurance:                $100.00
Handling charges:   $100.00
Vat:                            $50.00
TOTAL:                    $400 USD

 

Note: You are to choose the delivery option you can afford to pay for the delivery of your package and get back to us so that you can be instructed on how to make the payment.

Confirm Delivery address in This Form Below (which is a rather cheeseball form, but eh..).

 

So Seymour filled it out (with help) and just forgot to choose which method he wanted to get screwed by.

 

Now we wait...for a day:

 

 Dear sir
Thank you so much for your response i just seen your address well sir please kindly tell us which of the delivery option you choose so we can be sure of your choice of delivery thanks.  

Okay..I choose having my secret documents about the Illuminati delivered via Fed Ex.  Thank you.  

Dear Sir

We receive your mail and the content was well noted you have chosen the option Fed Ex Express which is Seven hundred dollars you are therefore advice to pay with the details below as soon as we receive your payment all items listed will be send to you asap.kindly use any of the close western union close to you in making the payment. pay with our fed ex express manager name below are the details to make the payment.

FOR PROCESSING PAYMENT DETAILS:

below are the details

.Receiver Name: Ceesay Abdoulie

Address: Dakar Senegal.

After payment you are to send the follow details below:

Sender Name:

Sender address:

MTCN Number:

Amount Sent:

Text Question and Answer if required : 

 

FEDEX (3 DAYS DELIVERY)
Mailing:                  $300.00
Insurance:               $250.00
handling charges:  $100.00
Vat:                          $50.00
TOTAL:                   $700 USD  

Just so that I am clear on this...this payment I am making is for the highly secret Illuminati materials that I am signed up for, correct?  I won't spend $700 for just anything.  Confirm for me that this is for the Illuminati materials.
 

I receive your mail and the content was well noted sir listen the items that are to be sent to you and also the money that you have been requested to pay are for the parcel and the choice of delivery which you have chosen OK. so what you are paying for is for the Illuminati books and secret materials that are to be sent to you. as soon as we receive your payment today please do forward us the slip given to you by the western union once you make the payment to Dakar Senegal so we can forward the slip to our board of directors and also fix a well and comfortable room for you to stay when you arrive to long beach California where the final ceremony is going to be held. all we await right now is your payment details to enable us forward your slip of payment to the high and top chief members.

With Regard

Express Courier

Thank you for your confirmation of what I'm paying for.  Payment will be sent shortly.

Seymour PetRock.

 

And now, while I make them wait, I sent this to the Illumi-nutsack:

Thank you for this great invitation.  I am in process of paying for the shipping fee so that I can read all about the Illuminati from their perspective.  I have already read about the Illuminati from the Nigerian perspective.  I wish to compare perspectives.

Seymour 

 

Ok as soon as you get the rule book and every other items with it just email me and let me know ok.

 

Of no great surprise, he didn't read closely what I writ...but eh.  Meantime, the 'courier' speaks:

 

as soon as you make the payment kindly send us the details asap thanks. 

 

Since this scam is all about Seymour, I think I'll use my good ol' stand by 'Seymour Bucks' to make the payment:

 

Seven of these emailed to the courier service should just about do it. 

And here's the email that accompanied the 'payment':

Dear Express Couriers:  since this package you're delivering to me is all about the secrets of making money -- the Great Illuminati way -- I thought it appropriate that I pay you in my own 'Great Illuminati way' with my own personal $100 bills.  Attached you'll find seven of them.  Print them and you are paid.

It's that easy.

This Great Illuminati thing is a piece of cake, dudes.  You oughta sign up yourself.

 

 I don't expect this is gonna be received well.  It wasn't:

Is that what you think?? then sign your self up.  Bastard!

I told you it was ill-received  ;-)  At any rate, I'm sure Seymour was pleased to find out that he's a 'bastard'.

"Am NOT!!!"

Nor are you a Great Illuminati, Seymour.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTTT!!!!!"

Pet rocks is so fractious...